Coaches' corner.

DAVID LETTERMAN on the post-Tour de France career of Lance Armstrong: "(Lance) still loves riding a bike. He's going to start delivering Chinese food in New York. He heard you can make a fortune in tips."

STEVE SPURRIER, in his first season at South Carolina, when asked why he decided to return to coaching after his ill-fated tenure with the Washington Redskins: "I'm all golfed out."

BILL RUSSELL, Boston Celtics Hall of Famer, when asked how he would have fared against Kareem Adbul-Jabbar: "Young man, you have the question backwards."

JOHN GAGLIARDI, legendary football coach, when asked by the St. Paul Pioneer Press what he'd like engraved on his tombstone: "I'd rather be coaching."

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JAY LENO, on Armstrong's "announced" retirement plan to lie around the house and drink beer: "So, he's taking up professional bowling?"

The Seattle Times' DWIGHT PERRY: "Old Tour de France riders don't try to salvage their careers; they simply recycle."

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LENO on Shaquille O'Neal's new Miami Heat contract: "He signed a five-year, $100-million extension. Actually, they offered him $200 million if he would practice his free throws, but he said no."

Former Boston Bruins center DEREK SANDERSON, when asked to name the greatest hockey player he ever saw: "Me--on instant replay."

MUHAMMAD ALI: "When you're as great as I am, it's hard to be humble."

Mr. October, REGGIE JACKSON, on his one post-season regret: "The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't see myself play."

MARVIN BARNES, notorious bad boy and enigmatic basketball star, on why he earned so many college credits while in prison: "There was no place I could go to cut classes."

WILLIE WILSON, former Kansas City Royals outfielders, on why he refused to sign autographs: "When I was a little kid, teachers used to punish me by making me sign my name 100 times."

LEE CORSO, former coach and current ESPN analyst on his multi-colored sportscoat: "It's my interview coat. No matter what the colors of the school, they're in that coat."

Former Georgia athletic director WALLY BUTTS on his definition of an atheist in Alabama: "A person who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."

SATCHEL PAIGE, the late, great Hall of Fame pitcher: "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?"

The immortal PHOG ALLEN, former Kansas basketball coach: "You're not old unless it takes you longer to rest up than it does to get tired."

GATES BROWN, former Detroit Tigers outfielder, on his high school days: "I took a little English, a little math, some science, a few hubcaps, and some wheel covers."

PAT McINALLY, former Cincinnati Bengals punter and Harvard art history major, on whether his college degree helped prepare him for the NFL: "Well, we do have a draw play here."

AL MCGUIRE, the late Marquette basketball coach and quipster, on former MU guard Dean Meminger: "He's as quick as the last mass at a summer resort."