Clouds do have a silver lining.

Byline: Sue Carroll

FIRST it was the banks, now it's the weathermen. The Met Office is handing out bonuses to staff for their inaccurate forecasts, including the prediction of this year's "sizzling barbecue summer".

Scandalous. Isn't it time the weather was taken into public ownership? Obviously this would mean some tough talking from Gordon Brown.

Something along the lines of: "The bad weather which has afflicted our country in recent weeks is a global phenomenon which originated in America and couldn't have been foreseen. Other European countries have been similarly affected.

"In Greece there have been reports of fluffy white clouds. But I am confident Britain, with its long history of glorious summers under successive Labour governments, is best-placed to ride out this storm.

"The new Ministry For Good Weather will be under the direct control of Lord Mandelson - henceforth known as the Prince of Sunshine. Have a nice day.'' NB: A Corfu hideaway. Dinners with billionaire captains of industry and Hollywood film moguls. Days lounging by the infinity pool interrupted only by lunch and the slight inconvenience of running the country via BlackBerry in the Prime Minister's absence.

There's nothing like the common touch - and Mandelson has nothing like the common touch.