Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: You are right to encourage battered women to leave their spouses. My ex-husband became physically and verbally abusive when I refused to drink with him. His family had never seen that side of him and couldn't understand why I insisted on a divorce and full custody of our three children. He never contested it.

When I left my husband, the children were 4 months, 6 and 9. I moved 600 miles away, leaving behind everything that couldn't be carried. I've never regretted it.

I had never worked at a full-time, decent-paying job in my life and had no assets, not even a car. Within two years, I had purchased our first home, owned a used car and had taken my kids on their very first vacation. Five years later, I bought a second, larger home, which will be paid for in another four years. My oldest daughter is in graduate school, my second is working on her undergraduate degree, and my son is a high school senior. I think we have done quite well.

Even my ex-husband's family can see that my decision was the right one, especially since they've had him underfoot full time. He is still drinking heavily and probably will die that way. He abused his second wife and has been in trouble with the law. Believe me when I say all the therapy in the world will not benefit a person who doesn't want to be helped.

People need to trust their instincts. If the situation feels wrong, it probably is. Thank you, Ann, for listening. Writing this letter to you feels as good as a therapy session. — Loyal Fan in Houston

Dear Houston: I hope your testimony will encourage other women who are in abusive situations to do as you did. They CAN make it on their own, and you proved it.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been happily married for 13 years. We have a beautiful 9-year-old daughter. I would like to have another baby. I am 36 years of age, and my husband is 40. He feels it is too late for us to have another child. He insists that it would not be fair to the new baby to have parents who are in their 60s when he or she is only 24.

If I let my husband win this battle, I'm afraid I will look back in a few years and regret not having had another child. Will you please tell me what you think about this? — Is One Enough in Seattle?

Dear One: Sometimes, one is more than enough. It depends on the "one" and the parents.

A healthy 36-year-old woman is not too old for motherhood, and a 40-year-old daddy can be perfect. I hope your husband loses this battle. If he does, he'll be thrilled a year from today. I have had many letters from couples who said the late dividend was the most cherished.

That first kiss, that first embrace ... Remember all those things that brought you and your loved one together? "How We Met," a collection of sentimental love stories, will make a terrific gift for that special someone. For a copy, please send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5.50 (this includes postage and handling) to: How We Met, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. (In Canada, $6.50). To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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