Cinema: Ripping yarn of a buff Beowulf; BEOWULF (12A) ****.
"I AM ripper, tearer, slasher, gouger. I am Beowulf!" cries the sixth century hero as he pulls the arm off a 20ft monster.
And you believe him, in Robert Zemeckis's sophisticated film, which uses motion capture technology to turn live action into an enhanced form of animation.
Most of the cast look like themselves, except Ray Winstone. His buff Beowulf resembles a young Sean Bean, with an incredible eight-pack he shows off at every opportunity.
He arrives to kill the malformed, repulsive Grendel, who is running riot in the Danish kingdom of Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins).
But he's still left with Grendel's mother, played by a naked Angelina Jolie. Partly covered in gold and with feet formed into high heels, she's a very sexy monster.
She promises to make Beowulf the greatest king who ever lived, but there's always a catch. The film sags between action sequences and I wish there was more Angelina, but it concludes with a brilliant battle with a dragon.
Be warned, it's very violent for its certificate - Grendel tears people apart and bites their heads off.
A select number of cinemas, including Cineworld in Broad Street, Birmingham, are showing the film in 3D.
It's well worth the extra pounds 2 to see arrows and spears flying right at you - and to feel like you're hanging beneath a dragon as it flies over trees and ravines.
Worth a look