Christmas presence.

At this time of year the thoughts of many Americans turn to giving and receiving presents. It is centered on the Christmas holidays but even other traditions have made it a time for exchanging gifts. We make our list, go on one or more shopping rampages, wrap and tag and wait to see what we have gotten. Then after the giving orgy is over, we throw away the paper and ribbons and start work on our New Year's resolutions list.

Over the years I have noticed one thing: The gift list is followed much more faithfully than the resolutions, which are quickly forgotten.

I would like to make a modest proposal: This year put a present on the top of your resolutions list. That is, give yourself and those around you the gift of presence this next year.

I think being present is one of the hardest things an American can do. Look at how our lives are cluttered with interruptions and intrusions--cell phones, pagers, instant messaging, e-mail, snail mail, televisions, radios, CDs, downloads, uploads--I get tired and distracted just making the list. Some have observed that while Americans' wealth has tripled in the last few decades, our rate of happiness has stagnated. In other words, we have more but seem to be enjoying it less.

I think at least part of the problem is that we are so busy doing, we don't have any time to be.

Slowing Down

I have noticed this in my travels. Folks in other places, particularly Third World locations, which have so much less, seem to have so much more--more fun, more enjoyment, more spontaneity and more connection to what is important. Americans' lives are so full of "important business" nothing is important anymore. How do you set priorities when everything is a priority? How do you enjoy life when there is no time for it?

I long have been a student of Eastern philosophy, which teaches a different way of living. It promotes acceptance and presence. (OK, I know a lot more about this stuff than I do, but at least let me share it with you!) There is a value to be derived from not doing anything. There is a joke about the teachings of Taoism, which is "don't just do something, stand there." Now that is an extreme interpretation, but there is much to be said for slowing down long enough to at least look at the windows.

My friend Richard Green, the late chancellor of the New York City Public Schools, once said to me he was so focused on the future that all he did in the present was breathe. Now it is admirable for leaders to be future focused because we have to help the people around us find their way in the journey. Someone has to read the map. But I was a little sad when Richard said that to me because I realized that he was missing life by planning life.

This was heightened a couple of years later when he died of an asthma attack--he literally couldn't breathe. I always wondered whether he got so focused on the future that he forgot to even breathe in the present.

But I think that is a hazard for superintendents and other school leaders. We are so busy looking out the windshield at where we are going that we don't take the time to look out the side windows to see where we are. This not only means we are missing a lot of life, but we may be endangering ourselves as well. We might not see that truck coming up a side street at us.

Personal Appreciation

This danger was brought home to me last spring when I had to rush to the hospital for emergency surgery for an infected gallbladder. I had been so busy running through life that I kept ignoring the warning signs of deteriorating health.

I was lucky. Skillful surgery, help from loved ones and time in a hospital brought me back to health. I would like to think it also brought me to my senses (well a little bit anyway) as I had to slow down and just be. I couldn't move well enough and didn't feel well enough to do anything else. And you know what? Everyone managed to survive just fine without my sterling leadership.

I was reminded of the guy who once said of a departed colleague, "Yeah, I'll never forget old what's his name!" While leaders are important and leading is a critical role, sometimes we have to remember that stepping back is the best way to move forward.

How can we do that? Maybe we could post a note to ourselves to remind us to stop and smell the coffee. When I was in the hospital I wasn't getting enough oxygen into my system. This led to pneumonia and some other complications. Periodically, I had to use a breathing machine that forced me to draw deeper breaths. My lady, Sandy, kept reminding me to breathe. My children even got me a mug that said "breathe" on it. I had to be reminded to do the most basic of activities a human must do to sustain himself. I thought of Richard.

The hardest things we have to do are sometimes the most basic. For leaders, we have to fight the inclination to always be "on" and to always keep moving forward and thinking about tomorrow. Right now is all we have to control. We have to be present to deal with it.

One of my all-time favorite movies is "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." I'll leave you with the basic tenet that Ferris lived by: "Sometimes life goes by pretty fast and if you don't slow down, you might miss it."

In this holiday season, give yourself and those around you the best present possible--your presence.

Paul Houston is AASA executive director. E-mail: [e-mail]