Children's Medical Center Dallas Cultivating Compassion; Give Your Kids a Gift That Lasts a Lifetime.

DALLAS -- This time of year, parents spend long hours creating an idyllic holiday atmosphere for their families -- twinkle lights hung just so, perfectly wrapped gifts, and seasonal meals that would make Martha smile. But, do parents make the time to show their kids how to be gracious, appreciative and thankful? Does Mom or Dad's attitude toward the holidays help the kids understand the real reason for the season?

Dr. Pete Stavinoha, a neuropsychologist at Children's Medical Center Dallas offers these suggestions to parents who want to instill a sense of gratitude and giving in their children during the holiday season:

--Set the example. Parents have to model the behaviors they hope their children adopt as their own. Taking an extra moment to thank a sales clerk or tipping the paper boy lets them know that gratitude is encouraged.

--Give thanks but don't demand thanks. Many parents are quick to tell kids they should be grateful for everything they do. However, demanding that children "feel" grateful does not create a heartfelt sense of gratitude. Children will internalize examples better than threats or humiliation. Offer thanks sincerely to them, and they will learn the skills of gratitude.

--Establish family traditions. Dad may make a speech at holiday gatherings about the blessings you have in your family. You may then ask your children to name one thing for which they are thankful. Or encourage your kids to write thank you notes for gifts. By starting family rituals that center on gratitude, children learn to express thanks.

--Offer service. Offering some type of service can be a way for kids to be on the receiving end of gratitude, and this can go a long way in helping kids internalize thankfulness. Take the family to a nursing home or a homeless shelter to volunteer. Kids may find that a little selfless service makes selfishness go away.

--Try going without. From time to time, consider a family project that involves going without some convenience. Try making bread for a week rather than buying it, or walking to any destination less than two miles away. A little sacrifice can help kids recognize things they take for granted and encourage a more humble, grateful attitude.

--It's the little things. Common courtesy can go a long way. Look for ways to say thank you often. Afterward, let your children know why you were appreciative and why you thanked the person. This lets you model the behavior and directly communicate the values you want your children to develop.

"Giving your children the chance to realize how they can be generous this year will foster fond holiday memories. Your children will learn life lessons that will afford both compassion and generosity while they promote self esteem and pride," Dr. Stavinoha said.