Charley will never know his hero dad.. that breaks my heart; EXCLUSIVE: Last month Joanne McAleese stood clinging to her young baby as her soldier husband's coffin passed by. Here, the young mum talks about the heartache of saying goodbye to her hero on her birthday.

Byline: Chelsea Heatley

Six weeks ago young mum Joanne was getting ready for a fun afternoon with sister Nadine and fourmonth-old son Charley.

But as the sisters chatted, their conversation was cut short when Joanne saw two uniformed silhouettes appear at her door.

"I stood in the hallway, frozen with fear," she recalls. I immediately knew why they were there. Paul was dead."

For a few minutes, Joanne refused to answer the door. She thought if she did, her worst nightmare would become a reality.

"I just kept yelling to my sister at the top of the stairs, 'It's the Army, I'm not answering it, I'm not answering it'," recalls Joanne.

But eventually she had to let them in, and was faced with the devastating news she'd dreaded.

"They asked me to sit down, but I just wanted to hear them say the words," she says.

"Even now, after the funeral, it all seems so unreal."

Another young family torn apart by the conflict in Afghanistan, tragic Joanne was pictured holding baby Charley as husband Serjeant Paul McAleese's coffin passed by. "I know he died a happy man and had achieved everything he dreamed of doing," says 26- year-old Joanne.

"I'm just sorry he'll never see Charley grow up."

"I feel like he'll be walking through the door next month with a cheeky smile on his face.

"I can't comprehend never being able to hear his childish giggle again, or see his face light up when he plays with his son. "Charley will never know the hero his dad was and that's something that I'll never get over."

Just a week had passed since Paul, 29, went back on duty in Afghanistan.

But when Joanne kissed him goodbye she had a terrible feeling it would be the last time she would ever see him alive.

"The day before he was flying back out we talked about what he'd want at his funeral," recalls Joanne. "It was light-hearted but part of me felt like he was preparing me for the worst."

Paul was taking on the rank of Platoon Serjeant, a role notorious for being close to the most dangerous frontline action.

A sniper for the past year, Paul was more used to being in control of his target, but this time he was right in the firing line.

Every man who took this job on was replacing the last who had been killed or seriously injured in battle. For Paul, or Mac to his mates, this was to be his fate, too. His simple, heartbreaking last words to his wife were: "I love you. Give Charley a kiss for me."

The next time Joanne saw him, he was in a coffin. It was her 26th birthday.

Paul was flown back to RAF Lyneham a week after he was killed in a roadside blast in Sangin, in the Helmand province of Afghanistan. He had been rescuing a friend who was injured during a routine foot patrol.

As Joanne said her goodbyes in the RAF's Chapel of Rest, she remembered he had told her he would never write a last letter to her - never wanting to tempt fate.

But when she arrived home that evening, she found a card on the doorstep.

"My heart broke when I opened it. It was a birthday card from Paul," recalls Joanne.

"It read, 'To my sexy wife, I hope you have a fab birthday - Charley told me he'd make sure you do! Love you millions. I'll be home soon. Mac x'."

With those last words, Joanne felt that at least her man had died knowing he was loved deeply and would be missed.

Having served in conflict zones around the world such as Sierra Leone, Iraq and Kosovo, Paul had witnessed many scenes of brutal violence and devastation.

But Joanne says as soon as he stepped off the plane he switched back into a loving family man, completely devoted to her and Charley.

"He was a soldier through and through, it made him who he was. He died helping someone and I'm so proud of him," says Joanne.

"We completed each other. I can't remember what my life was like before I met him.

"He was the love of my life and he died knowing that. The five years we had together were enough to last forever."

The couple met on a night out in Hereford when Paul was on leave from the Army.

Joanne, who was 21 at the time, fancied him straight away and they chatted into the early hours when they discovered they had both gone to the same school.

Paul was posted back to Northern Ireland but when he returned a few weeks later, they went out for pizza.

From that night on they were inseparable, spending every moment they could together and by Christmas they were living together at her mum's.

"All his friends saw him as the tough guy," says Joanne. "They nicknamed him 'Shrek', but with me he was a gentle giant and would do anything for me.

"He made me feel so adored as there was nothing that he wouldn't do for me. He even shaved my legs and painted my toenails when I was pregnant with Charley.

"Every minute with him was so very special."

So within two years the besotted couple were married.

"It sounds cheesy, but I'll never forget our little saying," says Joanne. "He would say, 'You're the cream in my coffee', and I'd reply, 'You're the milk in my tea'." Last month, more than 1,000 mourners filled Hereford Cathedral to pay tribute to the fallen hero.

Paul, the 206th British soldier to die in Afghanistan, followed his father John into the Army, aged 17. His dad took part in the SAS raid that ended the siege on the Iranian embassy in London back in 1980.

"Mac looked up to his dad and I hope Charley will grow up to have the courage and kind heart that his father had."

Joanne realises the ultimate risk that all soldiers take when they go to war, but she also feels Paul's death could have been avoided.

"If our troops had the equipment they needed, they would be safer in these hostile environments," she says.

"Money needs to be spent to avoid more lives being lost.

"Mac is not just another statistic.

"No one will never know the aching loss his death has left in mine and Charley's hearts."

CAPTION(S):

WEDDED BLISS: Their special day in 2004 HERO: Sgt Paul McAleese STRENGTH: Joanne with adorable baby Charley