Champions League quarter- and semi-final draw - live!

We've heard from all the other clubs ... so here's Liverpool's Rick Parry: "We'd hoped to avoid the English teams at this stage but statistically there were bound to be two coming together and unfortunately it's us," says the Liverpool chief exec. "The three games (in a week) are going to very, very tight. I don't think the Champions League is going to be any different, it's tough." He also admits he "had noticed" that Liverpool will wind up playing Chelsea in the semi-final again if they both win their respective ties.

Poor Jim Kogutkiewicz (see second entry) Yup, my inbox is filling up fairly rapidly with people riffing on Jim's pain. No time to bring you that, though, because here's Peter Kenyon: "I'm delighted, because we've managed to avoid an English team," gloats Chelsea's chief executive. "There's a lot of clubs who didn't want to draw Chelsea, we've got a lot of pedigree in Europe." Thankfully Sky's interviewer hits back before the smugometer goes through the roof by asking whether there's any truth in rumours Avram Grant will be sacked if he doesn't win anything. "None of that is emanating from the club," says Slippery Pete. "We appointed Avram on a four-year contract, his contract is not contingent on winning silverware." Kenyon also "can't see any reason" why Lampard won't wind up signing a new contract.

Arsenal president Keith Edelman ... reckons "after beating Milan we don't fear anyone". Plus several minutes worth of even blander twaddle.

Kenny Ramsden Manchester United secretary Ken Ramsden seems quite content with being drawn against Roma for the 72nd time in two years. He says there shouldn't be fan trouble so long as fans use the official transport to the stadium in Rome.

Right then So we did get just the one all-English tie, and it should be an interesting one - Arsenal outplayed Liverpool on their visit to Anfield earlier in the year, but Liverpool will be pleased to have the second leg at home, and let's face it - Arsenal will be playing Big Cup Liverpool, rather than Tired Premier League Liverpool. Arsenal and Liverpool will now be playing each other three times in a week, as they play in the league at Emirates stadium between the two legs. Phil Thompson is adamant Liverpool will win.

Lots to say about that, but first here's the semi-final draw

Arsenal or Liverpool v Fenerbahce v Chelsea Schalke or Barcelona v Roma or Manchester United

THIS IS THE REAL (quarter-final) DRAW: (first team mentioned play first leg at home)

Arsenal v Liverpool Roma v Manchester United Schalke v Barcelona Fenerbahce v Chelsea

I swear our host said he was about to start the draw But no, he's still talking. For the record, here is the rehearsal draw that happened earlier. THIS IS NOT THE REAL DRAW: Schalke v Chelsea, Liverpool v Fenerbahce, Barcelona v Man Utd, Arsenal v Roma.

"Uefa aims to emphasise respect" That's good to know now isn't it? "I'm rubbish at maths, but surely the odds on Big Cup Final being an EPL club against Barca is 100%," says Steve Spencer. Spot on Steve, you are rubbish at maths.

Good news! Fears that we were missing out on Uefa's official jamboree were premature. When Sky said we were ready to go live to the draw, what they really meant was "to a lengthy speech from a Scottish man in a Uefa blazer about how great the Champions League is."

The state of the nation's schooling A class at an East London school - who will remain unidentified for their own protection - are skiving wor ... sorry, following this coverage as part of an *important project*. Sky reckon the draw is seconds away, so be ready on that refresh button Abdul.

Maths. Everybody likes maths "I expect better from the Guardian than this," thunders John Cox. "Surely by now you should have calculated the odds of the four English clubs being drawn (i) apart (ii) all four together and (iii) only one all-English tie, and given us this valuable information? For the record I make it, er, (i) about 23%, (ii) about 9% and (iii) 68%. I think. Come on, you should have better-informed readers than this."

The Italian angle "Here in sunny Rome, the Romanisti aren't really all that fussed about who they draw, as long as they manage to avoid Liverpool, Arsenal, Man Utd, Chelsea and Barcelona," parps Mike in ... er ... Rome. "Oh, Yes ... and they'd also like to play the first leg away from home ..."

I'm actually slightly disappointed ... that Sky have decided to spare us the Uefa suit-based formalities in favour of their own hotchpotch of "how the teams got there" montages. Even as I type this we could be missing Michel Platini receiving an essentially meaningless award from an anonymous woman wearing an evening dress.

Reds v Blues - a reprise ... Games between Liverpool and Chelsea may be less entertaining to watch than competitive paint drying, but admit it, a little part of you wants to see Chelsea and Liverpool forced to play each other for the third time in four years. Unless you're a fan of one of those teams, anyway. "As a Chelsea fan I honestly do not know if I am dreading or relishing a potential clash with Liverpool," says Daniel Snowdon. "We desperately want revenge and knocking them out would the sweetest way to progress. However, they seem to have an aura in Europe and isn't there a saying about bad luck coming in threes? They did knock us out the FA Cup semi-final a while back too, though. Does that count?" No.

How this all works, then It's really not that tricky, actually, since we no longer have to worry about teams not being allowed to be drawn against each other. The quarter-finals will be drawn in that old-fashioned home team first, away team second kinda way, and then after that the quarter-final winners will be pre-emptively drawn against each other, and there will even be a draw to decide which semi-final will provide the nominal "home side" for the final.

Sometimes it's just all a bit too much This toaster landed in my inbox almost two hours ago. "The draw is scheduled to start at 7am here in Milwaukee, and right now it's 4:49 a.m," parped Jim Kogutkiewicz. "I've been home from work for two hours, but I'm committed to staying up for this. I want Liverpool to get anyone except Arsenal. This isn't going to end well for me, is it?" Erm, in terms of Liverpool getting Arsenal or in terms of not coming across a bit crazy? Don't get me wrong Jim, it's heady stuff, but is it worth staying up till 7am just to see me describe the balls being removed? Really? Really?

It's Uefa Bingo time! Cards at the ready, boys and girls, we are literally just 30-45 minutes of self-congratulatory speeches and nods to sponsors away from the Champions League quarter- and semi-final draws. Will the English teams all manage to avoid each other, or will those dastardly Uefa bods contrive to minimise Our Boys' presence in the semi-finals by giving us a pair of all-English ties?