Celery seeds and slot machines.

The ranks of Washington lobbyists include some of the world's greatest confidence men. Everyone knows that these fellows have to con congressmen and bureaucrats, but what is less well known is that they have to con their client as well. This means keeping the client in a constant state of panic about plots being hatched, for instance, against the Celery Seed Producers Association, or whatever the client is--"Bulletin to Celery Seeders: We have just learned a bill is being proposed to ban our seeds. To stop it we need your help now. Please FedEx check today."

I wouldn't dream of calling Tom DeLay's former assistant, Jack Abramoff, or his colleague, Paul Scanlon, confidence men, but it does appear that they have carried to new heights the art of making the client feel--and feel deeply--the need for their services. According to The Washington Post's Susan Schmidt, they have collected $45 million over the last three years to lobby for Indian gaming tribes. What is remarkable about their accomplishment is that "there are no major issues for gaming tribes on the horizon."