Catholic tastes.

FROM SPIT TO HOLY WATER The Cleveland Indians' second baseman Roberto Alomar, who became infamous three years ago for spitting in umpire John Hirschbeck's face, made up with the umpire last September. Back in 1996 Alomar not only spit in Hirschbeck's face but also accused him of being too "bitter" about the death of the umpire's 8-year-old son from ALD, a rare degenerative nerve disease. Hirschbeck was furious and threatened to kill Alomar.

The reconciliation--and since then friendship--between the two came about after some prompting and help from mutual friends and family. Finally, during the Indians' September 5 game against the Baltimore Orioles, Alomar approached Hirschbeck, a fellow Catholic, and told him: "I have some holy water that my mother sends me from Puerto Rico. Would it be OK if I sent some over for you to use with your children?" (Another son of Hirschbeck's also has ALD.) "From spit to holy water," wrote the Baltimore Sun's Ken Rosenthal, "Alomar's transformation was complete." (Chicago Sun-Times, Oct. 28, 1999)

THREE PROOFS that Jesus was a woman:

1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice, when there was no food.

2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

3. Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do. (Anonymous, from a chain e-mail)

IN JESUS' NAME "Jesus of Nazareth has been the dominant figure in the history of Western culture for almost 20 centuries.... It is from his birth that most of the human race dates its calendars; it is by his name that millions curse and in his name that millions pray."

--Theologian Jaroslav Pelikan (quoted in Christianity Today, Nov. 15, 1999)

FAT CATHS "Among Catholics, the higher their income, the lower is their giving as a percent of income.... Overall, Catholics give half as much as Protestants. At the highest [income] levels, it's probably about a third as much."

--Economist Charles Zech, quoted by Catholic News Service (July 30, 1999)

RELATED ARTICLE: HEAVENLY HOSTS

Just in time for Christmas, the evangelical "Spiritual Warfare" crowd launched a marketing crusade for a new "Doom-meets-the-Bible" (New York rimes, Oct. 18, 1999) computer game. Titled "The War in Heaven: A Christian Action Game" (Valusoft), this new 3D-shooter game avoids the graphic gore and blood gushing so popular in other titles of the genre but still has plenty of combat and violence to offer.

Set in the time of Lucifer's fall from heaven, the game invites players to choose to play either as good angels--"serving God and following his living Word"--or fallen angels--"rebelling against ail that is holy in a mad dash for personal power and glory." A player who chooses the "Divine Path of Obedience" travels through the game's 12 levels of heaven and hell, blasting snarling monsters with horns and wings, and trying to outfight immortal beings wielding swords and other lethal weapons.

On the other hand, a player who chooses to follow Lucifer on the "Fallen Path of Power" progresses by disobeying the Bible, blaspheming, and striking praying angels. That evil path eventually leads to the player's self-destruction--a fate true to life, says Andrew Lunstad, one of the two developers of the game. Lunstad, who also cofounded the software-design firm Eternal Warriors, adds that he truly feels "that God called me" to create this shooter game.