Catholic humor painfully un-funny.

An extensive study by a noted researcher (myself) on the best of Catholic humor on the Internet uncovered depressing results. Mind you, it's a World Wide Web, so you'd think that at least somewhere on this vast globe would be a font of hysterical religious humor. Not so.

Consider this: "A boy asks, 'What is the difference between the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?' The priest replies, 'Well, they were both founded by Spaniards, and they were both founded to combat heresy--the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants'. 'So, what is the difference?' the boy asks again. 'Well,' say the priest, 'Have you met any Albegensians lately?'"

This was not even the worst I could find. That prize goes to the "Top 10 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife," such as "Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib."

The best I could find were the ubiquitous "Bulletin Bloopers" including old favorites like: "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community,, or "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

Children's letters to God are always good for a laugh, too.

("Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.) But beyond that, it was the pits.

Of course, there are enough dirty Catholic jokes to fill St. Patrick's Cathedral. But is it too much to ask that some good Catholics come up with some good, clean Catholic jokes that don't conjure images of Far Side-esque nerds cracking jokes about the real meaning of E=m[c.sup.2] at a physics convention?

If you've got any good ones, please send them to me at [e-mail]. If my faith in Catholic humor is renewed, you may see it in print later this year.