Caring for the caregiver.

Overflowing Tea

A wise Zen hermit lives in a remote place. An earnest student travels a long distance to seek wisdom from him. The serious student becomes frustrated when his teacher refuses to answer his questions. The Zen hermit says to the student, "Pour me a cup of tea, and I will tell you when to stop filling the cup."

The student starts to pour the tea. The cup fills, and he is horrified watching as the tea finally spills over everything. Exasperated, the student asks, "Can't you see the cup is full? It can hold no more!"

"And so it is with you," the wise teacher answers. "Your mind is filled with too many things. Only when you empty your cup will you be open for wisdom to come in."

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Sometimes our cups overflow, making us unable to be present to those in need of our services. If this occurs for a long period of time, we may experience compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue is physical, emotional and spiritual exhaustion that takes away the ability to experience joy. It can occur when an individual is outputting compassion without balancing it with self-care. Caregivers are well trained in providing care, but beyond professional skill, the greatest gifts they have are empathy, compassion, and love. These gifts make caregivers more vulnerable to compassion fatigue.

Leo Buscalgia, PhD and author, states, "We can only love others as much as we love ourselves." We can only fill our cups and give empathy and compassion when we have a way to empty our cups with self-care.

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Warning Signs

A person with compassion fatigue may have a cynical attitude; feel discouraged, or hopeless about work or ministry; exhibit ineffective or self-destructive self-soothing behaviors; have low frustration tolerance; find it difficult to separate work and personal life; or experience a disruption of frame of reference.

Possible physical symptoms include medical issues, somatic complaints, impaired immune symptoms, aches and pains.

Restoring a healthy balance is key in dealing with compassion fatigue. When a person is balanced, these are the behaviors that are chosen:

* more "coulds" than "shoulds"

* creativity and flexibility

* more good feelings about self rather than harsh statements

* a realistic perspective on life and what is happening

* improved communication

* the ability to focus and concentrate

* comfort with change and ambiguity

* the ability to say, "No"

* relaxation

If a person has medical concerns, receiving treatment can also lead to a more balanced outlook on life. The skill of resilience helps. Resiliency is finding ways to recover from adversity. Supportive individuals are important and life-giving relationships are necessary in recovery. These relationships provide the encouragement and understanding to help the caregiver to do the following:

* avoid isolation by sharing feelings and thoughts.

* establish positive relationships with coworkers where it is safe to discuss concerns.

* solicit feedback from trusted people regarding boundary setting.

* keep in mind that at times the needs of others will be greater than the resources.

Care for your spirit, emotions and body, so there is something left to give to others.

By Mary T. Guth, MS, LPC-MH, LMFT Avera Behavioral Health, Outpatient Services, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Reprinted with permission from "Life Connections," Vol. 9, No. 1, Lent 2009 A publication of the Avera Parish Nurse Center Carol DeSchepper, Director