Capricorn Night.

Capricorn Night

   The deepest wail
   I can let out
   I let the streams upon streams
   Of tears take over
   My cheeks

   My face pulled down
   Toward the earth

   Wishing it to swallow me
   Eat me piece by piece

   I wish to
   Take a drop off the high bridge
   Walk and walk
   Until I winter freeze-stiff--in everlasting peace

   The pain has been so great

   Exaggerated comedy
   For the onlookers
   The ones that murmur
   And pull a smile out
   From somewhere
   A plastic bag to put over
   My face

   Let me entertain you
   With my lack of self-esteem
   After all my teeth have been
   Pulled from me

   Let me make you laugh
   When I tell my stories of love

   And the men that grabbed my heart
   To use as a form of worthless art

   Let me make you smile
   When I tell you
   I have nothing left
   Nothing here
   You are better off than me

   And my long arms
   Stretch out with my fingers
   Extended

   To grab any shirt
   Pull a man from a
   Crowd
   Pull at hearts that
   Don't care

   A hanging grip to the world
   With words that can hang
   A shirt in delicate form

   Looking at red walls
   Wooden forms
   And it has taken me
   Made me a pleasure seeker
   To sustain this fever
   A sickening pain
   That has piled up
   Shovel after shovel

   It is here I am
   Sometimes lacking logic--All Heart

   Feathers dusting me
   Back to my shiny brown wooden form
   Polishing me back to
   Original capacity

   I have not lost any dimes
   No nickels or cents
   I am one hundred percent
   Me

   The pain has been so great

   The silent creeper
   The noisy helper
   Many tames the destroyer
   The cause of obsessions

   That the tears stream
   Down me
   Crossing my young form
   With no more than a whisper
   Feel me.

   I am not contagious
   I am blood red
   Dipped in skin
   And pushed out
   For manufacturing

   Much of nothing to contort

   Straight it came to me
   And many pills have been hard
   On me

   The tears still stream
   Way down on me

   Sitting alone facing red walls
   I only have me

   When day takes on night
   I know my wails can be heard

   The radio on high
   Cupboards slamming
   Glasses banging
   For attention from me

   My world is this room
   My view--my red walls
   They cry with me
   On cue

   Blank, strong
   What more can I do

   And the devastating noise
   That whistles crazily
   Out of step
   Is me

   The odd one
   The pretty face
   Big words
   Sharp tongue
   Out there
   In space

   The fetcher of screams
   Rattling with words
   That the right ones
   Never come out

   And I cannot tell you
   Where all this began

   A slow procession to me

   I have counted time since
   Twelve years old
   Razor--sharp mind

   The pain has been so great

   Feeling all the textures
   Of words that come my way
   Or fall in my lap--splat!