Can You Be April Fooled?

It's April, and you know what that means. Winter's done, the groundhog's catching some rays and those ugly Valentine's Day rifts are finally healing. It's also a time of renewal. People are renewing their vows to get off their generous behinds and start exercising. And career and technical educators like yourselves are back from spring break and ready to plunge into work with renewed vigor.

In that spirit, we at Techniques challenge you with a pop quiz that tests your knowledge of some of the hippest entries from that bestseller--the National School-to-Work Office's School-to-Work Glossary of Terms--as well as a few others. We've picked 12 of the catchiest forms of "educationese" we could find, and in each case we've mixed in three phoney answers with the right one.

Circle all 12 correctly and you get ... well, nothing. Let's face it, this quiz isn't exactly the bar exam. Match your responses with the correct answers at the bottom of the facing page. Good luck, and have fun!

Match each term with the correct definition.

1. "Benchmarking"

A. the impression the human head leaves when bench pressing fails

B. the continuous process of measuring products, services and practices against strong competitors or recognized leaders

C. when those darn kids etch their names in the lab equipment

D. flop follow-up to the hit 1960s single, "Barefootin'"

2. "All aspects of industry"

A. downsizing, outsourcing and profit making

B. Bill Gates, everybody else

C. every facet of an industry or industry sector a student is preparing to enter--from planning and management to technical skills and safety issues

D. Dilbert, the pointy-haired boss, Dogbert and Ratbert

3. "Compact"

A. contracts among community leaders to work to initiate and sustain local educational reform

B. former U.S. Labor Secretary Robert Reich

C. a Shriner's mode of transportation

D. Danny DeVito 

4. "Connecting activities"

A. linking dots or changing planes, to the extremely literal-minded

B. programs that link school- and work-based educational programs

C. the official newsletter of the joiners union

D. if we have to tell you, it's been way too long since you've had a date

5. "Cooperative education"

A. when Professor Mike Tyson urges his students to "get with the program"

B. the course that tells you way more than you ever wanted to know about member-owned and -operated organizations

C. the next course after "grudgingly willing education"

D. a structured method of instruction whereby students alternate or coordinate their high school or postsecondary studies with a job in a field related to their academic or occupational objectives

6. "Dual enrollment"

A. a program of study allowing high school students to simultaneously earn credits toward a high school diploma and a postsecondary degree or certificate

B. a course cowboys must take before their first big showdown

C. a mistake on Alexander Hamilton's part

D. the amazing David Copperfield sits in two different classrooms at the same time--or does he?

7. "Job shadowing"

A. what groundhogs do for a living

B. career exploration activity in which a student follows an employee at a firm for one or more days to learn about a particular occupation or industry

C. a prerequisite skill for enrolling in the International Academy of Mimes

D. what Cal Ripken's understudies were doing throughout the 2,632 games of "The Streak"

8. "Occupational cluster"

A. a confection of chewy nougat, creamy caramel and rich milk chocolate so yummy it's a real job to put it down

B. a collection of six or more office cubicles in less than 50 square feet of space

C. spots where many people from one occupation gather--such as journalists at bars, lawyers at accident sites and paparazzi in immediate proximity to any supermodel

D. a grouping of occupations from one or more industries that share skill requirements

9. "Rubrics"

A. tools for assessing instruction and performance according to predetermined expectations and criteria

B. the next Fox Claymation sitcom, starring a foul-mouthed family from the sticks

C. the brainiac whose stupid cube we still can't solve after 20 years

D. has no actual meaning, but users think it makes them sound really smart

10. "Service learning"

A. the politically correct term for separate Girl Scout and Boy Scout camping trips

B. an instructional method that combines community service with a school-based opportunity for reflection about that service

C. Military History 101

D. Letitia Baldridge's guide to equipping oneself for the most exquisite tea party

11. "SCANS"

A. Secretary's Commission on Achieving Necessary Skills

B. Super Creepy Annihilating Neurotic Skeletons--the schlock-horror classic from the same studio that brought you C.H.U.D. (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers)

C. space-age supermarket checkout technology that wowed President Bush

D. a line of minimalist Swedish furniture

12. "Tech prep"

A. actor/author William Shatner's novel about a futuristic world in which brave centurions prepare for battle by conspicuously dying their hair and furiously sucking in their guts

B. the term biblical scholars have assigned Noah's "2+2" system for repopulating the world after the big flood

C. arming yourself with an anti-glare computer monitor, ergonomic mouse and plenty of RAM

D. name given to programs that offer at least four years of sequential coursework at the secondary and postsecondary levels to prepare students for technical careers

Key to scoring:

12--Congratulations! You've proven you have what it takes to eliminate three ridiculous choices and choose the right one in each case. Now all you have to do is spend every last "spare" moment over the next year putting together a portfolio and studying everything there is to know about your field, and you'll be on your way to certification in vocational education by the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards and, hopefully, a big pay raise to go along with the prestige.

8-11--Close, but no gold star for you. Which questions slipped you up? The one about "service learning" being a course in military history? Hey, that sounded logical, right? We thought that one was pretty clever. And, did you catch that play on the name of William Shatner's Tekwar novel series in question No. 127 (Ha! We kill ourselves!)

4-7--So Chief, how long did you say you've been in this job? Your score suggests you're not quite up to speed on practical, hands-on learning. Maybe you're a recovering academic teacher who's just starting in career and technical education. Is that it? If so, repeat and take to heart the following serenity prayer: "Lord grant me the peace to accept that change is constant, the courage to keep my students at the cutting edge of workplace trends and the wisdom to know I make a huge difference in the lives of students." Now settle down and clear your head of all that rote teaching nonsense. You're going to be just fine.

1-3--This is not good. It seems that your mind is already on summer vacation. You probably think "block scheduling" is the appointment you've made this month with the income tax-filing experts.

O--Lights out. Nobody home. We suspect a counselor put you on the general track back in high school and you've been wandering aimlessly ever since. How did you get ahold of this magazine, anyway? We strongly suggest you put it back on that technology teacher's desk before he knows it's missing.

Answers: 1. B, 2. C, 3. A, 4. B, 5. D, 6. A, 7. B, 8. D, 9. A, 10. B, 11. A, 12. D