CYBERSPORT: A MODEM AND SOME MOTIVATION, AND THE GIFT-GIVING TASK IS DONE.

'Twas a week before Christmas and all through the Net,

Sports geeks were surfing for stuff they might get:

A jersey from Shaq, a satellite dish,

A Bob Golic mousepad? Hey, careful what you wish.

As a holiday shopper, it makes so much sense

To e-mail a gift order at no great expense.

You avoid all the malls and the subsequent mauling,

While the sports fan avoids another present that's appalling.

Find what you want, whip out the card,

The whole thing's encrypted, consumer fraud is hard.

So may we suggest, as you download this thought,

Click onto these Websites, see what can be bought:

Online subscriptions: They're quick, not too expensive, and what cyberjocks who droll at the two major sources for online sports news want but won't admit it. Both ESPN Sportszone (http://www.espn.sportszone.com/) and CBS Sportsline (http://www.sportsline.com/) offer annual subscriptions that run $39.95, which provides access to their original columns and stories. It's what sets them apart in content from other sports servers with flashy names.

Satellite dish: The price may once have been prohibitive. You still need an antenna or cable box for the over-the-air channels. But the DBS systems have reached a point where you almost can't afford to look the other way any more.

From a small field, DirecTV has emerged as the most attractive service, and you can avoid a fast-talking distribution salesman and go straight to the site (http://www.directv.com/sales/online) to place the order. You buy the 18-inch dish (from $249 to $349), pick the installation deal (there's a $100-off special off the $179 charge) and choose the channel package ($29.99 to $47.99 a month). Steep? Initially. But most who have it say the long-term pleasure is worth it. They just wished they pulled the trigger earlier.

For the service's top platinum package ($47.99 a month), in addition to 14 commercial-free movie channels and 75 other channels, there are sports networks like Classic Sports, The Golf Channel, Speedvision, ESPN, ESPN2 and ESPNEWS, WGN and all 20 Fox Sports regional channels - including Fox Sports West 2. Then there's access to the pay-packages for out-of-market games in the NFL, NHL, NBA and Major League Baseball that range from $129 to $159 a season.

Memorabilia: DON'T SHOP FOR AUTOGRAPHED STUFF ON THE WEB. DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE? Having said this, one may still be desperate. If the impersonal online service doesn't faze you, at least tour the catalog at the Upper Deck store (http://www.upperdeck.com/), which has a very classy selection and is highly respected among collectors. Online ordering isn't available, but it will direct you (800-551-8220) to the nearest store, such as the one on Universal City Walk or at the new ESPN Store in the Glendale Mall.

League-approved apparel: On the official NFL site store (http://www.nfl.com/nflstore/index.html) buyers are sent to the Sports Illustrated Ultimate Locker Room site (http:/catalog.pathfinder.com/sports-ill ustrated/ ) where cyber-related items such as an NFL screen saver CD-ROM for Windows ($24.95), the outstanding series of Cybercard CD-ROMs ($19.95) and the Madden NFL '98 video game ($54.95) are for sale.

At the NHL's official cyberstore (http://www.nhl.com/store/index.htm) some really neat things like a life-size Wayne Gretzky cardboard cutout (from Upper Deck, $30), a U.S. Olympic team jersey (from Nike, $95) or a ``Know Your Hockey'' CD-ROM, narrated by Fox's Craig Simpson ($30) are available. Orders are shipped within 48 hours of being received.

At the NBA's shopping site (http://store.nba.com/), the choices aren't that vast. There's no Latrell Sprewell dartboards, just things you'd expect (jerseys, pullovers, books and videos, plus collectibles), along with items from the WNBA.

John Skilton's Baseball Links site (http://www.baseball-links.com/) has more than 100 listings under ``products and services'' that will lead straight to info about buying fantasy camp reservations, books, tickets, instructional videos, board games, custom engraved bats, historic college ballcaps or custom-made gloves.

Golf and tennis equipment: Another tough buy because of individual tastes, but the folks at the GolfWeb ProShop (http://services.golfweb.com/) and the San Diego Tennis & Racquet Club (http://www.tenniscompany.com/) have answers. Golfers especially may appreciate a CD-ROM game like the ``Ultimate Challenge with Greg Norman'' ($44.96) or practical software like ``Golf Tips: Breaking 100'' and ``Breaking 90'' ($26.96 each).

Novelty: Our personal favorite holiday baseball-related item is at the Dodgers Website (http://www.dodgers.com). At the gift shop is a a T-shirt that has in red letters ``FA'' followed by four ``LA''s like the team caps ($15).

If you shop for CDs on line, the Columbia House site (http://www.columbiahouse.com/) has selection No. 172551 called ``Terry Bradshaw Sings Christmas Songs'' (Dove Audio, 1996). The Fox Sports NFL studio goof and former Pittsburgh Steelers great sings 11 tracks, including ``Santa Claus is Comin' To Town,'' ``My Two Front Teeth,'' ``Away in a Manger'' and ``White Christmas.'' There's also four Shaquille O'Neal CDs - may we suggest ``The Best Of'' (selection No. 173708), which includes ``(I Know I Got) Skillz,'' ``Biological Didn't Bother (the G-funk version)'' and ``I'm Outstanding.''

Then there's a book that its author, Russ Marshall, calls a ``must for the serious sports fan or the serious bathroom reader.'' And it's safe. As in ``The 40 Safest American Sports Records'' ($11.95 plus $2 shipping and handling) available at www.sportsrecords.com/. Marshall says during his research he found more than 1,000 feats that he considers unbreakable, but he narrowed it down to things like the Sewanee College football team that had five wins in one week.

Finally, how about a real-life Zamboni machine? There are six models (No. 100, 440, 500, 520, the electric 552 and the 700) to choose from the original company factory in nearby Paramount (http://www.zamboni.com). The cost? Probably more than a sheet of ice to drive it on. You'll have to e-mail the family at donzamboni.com to find out. Of course, you have nowhere to park it in the carport. But wouldn't it still be cool to at least think about owning one?

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2 Photos

PHOTO (1) Official Los Angeles Dodgers website

(2) Home page for Upperdeck.com