CRIT-O-MATIC.Byline: - David Kronke
FASTLANE - Two stars
Logline: ``Miami Vice West'' (complete with Phil Collins tune): Stylin', hunky hun·ky 1
n. pl. hun·kies Offensive Slang
Used as a disparaging term for a person, especially a laborer, from east-central Europe. undercover cops Van Ray (Peter Facinelli) and Deaqon Hayes (Bill Bellamy) meet cute in a fight, then live large as high-rolling bad guys busting other high-rolling bad guys.
Noteworthy performances: Jennifer Sky as a femme femme
Slang Exhibiting stereotypical or exaggerated feminine traits. Used especially of lesbians and gay men.
1. Slang One who is femme.
2. Informal A woman or girl. fatale pops the most, but go figure - she's just a guest star. Tiffani Thiessen as the boys' boss earns every one of the laughs she got when her casting was initially announced. Everything else is tiresome hipster posturing.
Originality: One star
Credibility: One star
Effectively dramatic moments in pilot: A nominally cool/messy action sequence at the end, undone by a phony emotional payoff.
Inadvertent laughs: 4. The best: After an excessive amount of glib sensation and scatological sca·tol·o·gy
n. pl. sca·tol·o·gies
1. The study of fecal excrement, as in medicine, paleontology, or biology.
a. An obsession with excrement or excretory functions.
b. gags in the show's opening moments, it tries to shift gears to grindingly wring pathos from Van's partner's murder. Intentional gags, each the equivalent of an insistent elbow to quickly sore ribs, fall with a dull thud.
Who should lose their job: Writer John McNamara, speaking in July: ``I'm not really sure I'm the right guy for this.'' Hey, he said it, not us.
Where: Fox (Channel 11).
When: 9 tonight.
In a nutshell: It's the show that reviews itself: ``From people that don't know Don't know (DK, DKed)
"Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. about life,'' as one line has it. Director/executive producer McG (``Charlie's Angels'') brings plenty of superficial music-video dazzle to the proceedings, but is it really asking too much for just a milligram milligram /mil·li·gram/ (mg) (mil´i-gram) one thousandth (10-3) of a gram.
n. Abbr. mg
A metric unit of mass equal to one thousandth (10-3) of a gram. of intelligence?
THE TWILIGHT ZONE - Two and one half stars
Logline: Forrest Whittaker steps in for Rod Serling (who wasn't available) to host this update of the classic anthology series exploring tales both supernatural and just plain bizarre.
Noteworthy performances: Whittaker doesn't have the same gravitas grav·i·tas
1. Substance; weightiness: a frivolous biography that lacks the gravitas of its subject.
2. that made Serling so eminently parody-able. But the job's even lazier than being center square on ``Hollywood Squares'' - he simply delivers a line or two at the beginning and end of each segment. In one segment, Jason Alexander makes for a wryly suicidal Grim Reaper.
Originality: Two and one half stars
Credibility: Two stars
Effectively dramatic moments in pilot: 3, including the ironic observation that death is a good thing.
Inadvertent laughs: 1, which unfortunately comes at the ostensibly os·ten·si·ble
Represented or appearing as such; ostensive: His ostensible purpose was charity, but his real goal was popularity. affecting moment in one segment.
Who should lose their job: With all due respect to Mr. Whittaker, he really should do a lot more to make an impression - it's hard to imagine that he's enough of a draw on his own terms, and his contributions, so far at least, aren't terribly memorable. (The late Serling originally earned the hosting gig by also creating and writing the show.)
Where: UPN UPN User Principal Name (Microsoft Windows 2000)
UPN United Paramount Network
UPN Unión del Pueblo Navarro (Navarrese People Union)
UPN Umgekehrte Polnische Notation (Channel 13).
When: 9 tonight.
In a nutshell: Tonight's premiere boasts one decent segment, about the Grim Reaper's philosophical quandary, though its grisly twist is cribbed from an old DC Comics yarn. The other is strictly ho-hum: A rebellious teen girl is taken to a Stepford-style community that goes to dubious extents to mold troubled teens into conformists; what's most shocking is how predictable and flat its denouement de·noue·ment also dé·noue·ment
a. The final resolution or clarification of a dramatic or narrative plot.