CRIT-O-MATIC.

Byline: - David Kronke

"The Bedford Diaries" (The WB Channel 5; 9 tonight)

Logline: "Ever since Adam and Eve saw each other naked in the Garden of Eden, sex has been an intrinsic part of our humanity," declares professor Jake Macklin (Matthew Modine). And ever since Philo Farnsworth created television, it's been an intrinsic part of the medium, though rarely as brazenly as here. This series focuses on a sex and human behavior seminar run by Macklin, whose students include Owen and Sarah, a brother-older-sister tandem (Penn Badgley, Tiffany Dupont); as well as Lee and Zoe, a star-crossed couple (Ernest Waddell, Victoria Cartegena); and Natalie (Corri English), a young woman returning to school after a suicide attempt. Milo Ventimiglia ("Gilmore Girls") plays Richard, a bratty, privileged recovering drunk who once dated and now antagonizes both Sarah and Natalie and seeks to get cozy with his professor's ex. Small world.

Pros: Series executive producer Tom Fontana ("Homicide: Life on the Streets," "Oz") clearly enjoys pushing viewers' buttons.

Cons: Hence, Fontana offers brief glimpses of backside nudity heretofore unseen on The WB, as well as near-frank depictions of sexuality, depictions of seemingly underage drinking and Owen's description of Natalie as "hot" precisely because she attempted suicide: You go, girls! In other words, Owen pursues his sister's ex-lover's ex-lover. Smaller world. But when does button-pushing become simple prurience? Put aside most of the rest of TV: The answer is, right here; result -- small-minded world.

In a nutshell: Though Macklin's seminar is supposed to be exclusive and tough to get into, there are a number of students in it who scarcely seem to deserve it. They are there simply to serve a goofy, hermetically sealed narrative. It's a soap opera that pretends to aspire to something beyond mere melodrama, but a lurid soap is all it seems to be. Ask most kids: Its depiction of sexually promiscuous college life is, even today, laughably unrealistic.

Our rating: Two stars

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no caption (``The Bedford Diaries'')