CRIT-O-MATIC TV REVIEWS.

Byline: David Kronke

``life as we know it''

(ABC Channel 7; 9 tonight)

Logline: ``They say boys think about sex every 15 seconds - I think about it every five seconds,'' announces Ben (Jon Foster), one of the under-age characters of this teen-angst melodrama. Which pretty much serves as this show's statement of purpose. His lecherous pals include Dino (Sean Faris), who devotes all his energy to deflowering his girlfriend (Missy Peregrym) - ``There's something about being the first guy there,'' he leers wistfully - and Jonathan (Chris Lowell), who's reticent about pursuing a relationship with his platonic pal (Kelly Osbourne - perhaps Jon has glimpsed her gene pool).

Pros: Typically attractive cast that young viewers would want to watch. And apparently, it may also explore subjects besides sex.

Cons: You do not want your kids watching this - it may be as close to child pornography as TV gets. From the gratuitous shots of teen-female anatomy, to one character trying to undress another within six minutes of the episode's opening, to another character seeing a teacher topless before nine minutes have passed, this is prurient.

In a nutshell: Not like any life we know. ``Degrassi: The Next Generation,'' Friday nights on The N, tackles this material so much more realistically, sensitively and intelligently and so much less cringe-inducingly.

Our rating: One and one half stars

''Drew Carey's Green Screen Show''

(The WB Channel 5; 8:30 tonight)

Logline: ``Whose Line Is It Anyway'' without the pesky licensing fees and aimed at viewers in dire need of Ritalin: Carey and comics do improvisational comedy skits, tarted up by animated adornments that provide goofy backgrounds and outfits for the participants.

Pros: Well, some of the animation design is sort of inventive ...

Cons: ... but it actually frequently distracts from the uneven comedy bits. ``Whose Line'' shot a bunch of material and aired the funniest; this seems to pick sketches based on their animation potential rather than their comedic quality.

In a nutshell: ``WB's better than this!'' snarled my incredulous, almost-offended step-daughter (who liked ``Whose Line'' because of Wayne Brady) when she heard who was airing this (she guessed Nickelodeon).

Our rating: One and one half stars

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

CAREY