COUPLES LEAVE KNOT UNTIED; COUPLES SHARE HOMES, ESCHEW COMMITMENT.

Byline: David R. Baker Staff Writer

Modern couples, it seems, prefer to wait a while before walking down the aisle - if they take that walk at all.

A nationwide survey of marriage trends shows that as the 20th century ends, fewer adults are marrying. Those who do often delay getting hitched until well into adulthood, and they typically live with their companions before the big day.

``Marriage has declined as the central institution under which households are organized and children are raised,'' said Tom W. Smith, director of the General Social Survey for the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. ``People marry later, and divorce and cohabit more.''

The survey found that 56 percent of American adults are married, compared with 75 percent in the early 1970s. From 1960 to 1997, the median age at first marriage rose from 22.8 years to 26.8 years for men and from 20.3 years to 25 for women.

For many, the delay is pragmatic. They want to get through school and start their careers before making such a huge commitment.

For others, it's a question of standards.

``It's just finding the right person,'' said Julia Rusu, 32, of Redondo Beach. ``It took that long!''

Rusu and her fiance, Muthu Subramanian, 30, spent Sunday afternoon at a bridal fair in Woodland Hills. Like many perusing the tables filled with sample wedding photos, invitations and trinkets, Rusu and Subramanian already share a home.

``We wanted to get the house before we went into debt on the wedding,'' she said.

Among women born between 1963 and 1974, the survey found that 64 percent lived with a man before marriage. In contrast, just 7 percent of women born between 1933 and 1942 reported doing so.

Some couples view living together before marriage as a prudent way to check out a potential lifetime partner before making the final commitment.

``You have to learn the little things about someone, and a good way to do it is to live together,'' said Stewart Farina, 32, who lives with his fiancee in Thousand Oaks.

For all the caution that modern couples bring to romance, the pull of marriage remains strong. Susan Brenneise, 24, said a beautiful wedding is something many women dream about from an early age.

And since religion is important to her, she wants a full ceremony to tie the knot with her fiance, Andy Wade, 24.

``God is going to be a big part of our marriage, so I wanted the ceremony,'' she said.

``Women will always want the ring,'' Wade said.

Many still see marriage as the key to cementing a lasting relationship.

``Life is hard,'' Rusu said. ``It's good to have someone you can rely upon.''

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Photo: (color) A model twirls a wedding gown at a fashion show Sunday in the Hilton Hotel at Woodland Hills. A recent survey found fewer couples these days are married, and more couples are living together before marriage.

Michael Owen Baker/Staff Photographer