CONTRITE MCCOY RETURNS.

Byline: Jon Wilner Daily News Staff Writer

Junior center Jelani McCoy participated in his first UCLA basketball practice Tuesday, showing the psychic scars from his two-month suspension and giving no indication when he will return to competition.

McCoy was noticeably reserved on the court. His trademark post-dunk screams were a decibel lower than usual, and he seemed more concerned with acceptance than performance. Afterward, surrounded by a throng of TV cameras and microphones, McCoy revealed a few morsels of his anguish.

``The main thing I learned is that we all make mistakes and it's about getting over them and proving yourself,'' he said. ``This has been real painful, but I'm a stronger person for it.

``I put myself in the situation. I was mad because I was off the team and couldn't practice. I realized I put myself in that situation. I felt embarrassed.''

McCoy and senior forward Kris Johnson were indefinitely suspended by UCLA on Sept. 29 for violating athletic department policy and team rules. (They reportedly tested positive for marijuana.) During the ensuing nine weeks, McCoy's personal life became a topic of conversation on campus and in the media, and his future at UCLA was questioned by an ESPN report.

``I thought that report was ridiculous, so I dismissed it,'' he said.

McCoy, who turns 20 on Saturday, said the most difficult moments came during the initial stages of his suspension and last week, during the Great Alaska Shootout. He had accompanied the Bruins to their bus prior to departure, then watched it disappear into the night.

``That's my family. I felt like I had been left behind,'' he said. ``I wanted to be on the bus.''

UCLA officials used their judgment, not a written policy, to determine when and how the players would be reinstated. Coach Steve Lavin and athletic director Peter Dalis realized the timing of McCoy's return - four days after a 41-point loss to North Carolina, the second-worst in school history - would elicit suspicion.

``We were going to stay on the course regardless of the perception,'' Lavin said. ``Regardless of whether we were 0-3 or 3-0, that wouldn't come in to what we do. . . . This was set forth before Alaska and North Carolina.''

McCoy learned of his reinstatement at a meeting with Lavin and Dalis on Monday - a meeting that was scheduled before UCLA departed for Alaska.

``I knew I was getting closer,'' he said.

UCLA held progress discussions with McCoy and Johnson approximately every two weeks and will continue to do so, Dalis said. By that standard, McCoy will not be cleared for competition until Dec. 15 at the earliest.

Johnson is expected to meet with Dalis and Lavin next week - meaning he could be reinstated for Cal State Fullerton on Dec. 13. He will not play Saturday against New Mexico.

``We never had a precise timetable so much as continuous discussions with the student athletes and their parents,'' Dalis said. ``Their attitude was extraordinarily important. It was important for them to understand the consequences of their actions.''

In early November, ESPN's Dick Vitale reported that McCoy would not return from suspension. He gave no explanation and cited no sources. UCLA officials did not confirm or deny the report and insisted McCoy's status was unchanged.

On Tuesday, Dalis smirked at mention of Vitale's report.

``I would have loved to talk to Vitale, but I couldn't,'' he said.

On Nov. 17, Johnson was reinstated for practice. At the time, Lavin said McCoy was making progress and was ``on track'' to return, just at a slower pace than Johnson. It now appears Johnson's reinstatement was a watershed moment for his younger teammate.

``Jelani moved at a quicker speed once Kris was reinstated,'' Lavin said. ``One of the positives about Kris being reinstated first was that Jelani saw . . . it's about meeting the criteria.''

Said Dalis: ``I've seen a marked improvement (in McCoy) the last week and a half.''

McCoy was not as visible as Johnson during the suspension, but he worked out daily with former Bruin Ike Nwanko and tried to stay fit by running, biking and swimming. Not surprisingly, McCoy struggled to finish Tuesday's 2-1/2-hour practice. But when asked how long he needs to reach top condition, McCoy flashed a rare smile and said, ``Tomorrow.''

CAPTION(S):

Photo

PHOTO (color) Jelani McCoy practiced with his UCLA teammates for the first time Tuesday since being suspended.

Myung J. Chun / Daily News