COMEDY CENTRAL'S 'CHICKEN' A CLUCKER.

Byline: - David Kronke

COMEDY CENTRAL seems to have a library of, oh, about 20 lame films from the '80s and early '90s that seem to air ad nauseam. Apparently, someone at the network decided it would be easier to make lousy flicks than poach from Blockbuster's 99-cent bin.

Hence, ``Porn 'n' Chicken,'' an amateurish no-budget no-brainer loosely based on a Yale secret society that is rumored to have sponsored a most progressive film-production tutorial.

Our narrator is Hutch (Ebon Moss-Bachrach), whose girlfriend dumps him because he's boring and a lousy lover. (Someone in the movie has a modicum of sense.) He and some pals respond in the only natural fashion - creating a club dedicated to absorbing in equal measure greasy fast food and films with bad lighting and acting. And, yes, plentiful sex.

Evil establishment types want to quash the club. Guess who prevails.

``Porn's'' cast portrays distressing cliches of cliches - belching, drunken, sex-addled dopes; watered-down versions of ``Animal House's'' Deltas. You'd be hard-pressed to find actual jokes in this mess unless just the idea of watching or making pornography strikes you as inherently funny. Students dressed as chickens disrobe at a political rally; the dean tumbles apoplectically from his chair while watching the naughty student film.

As bad as that is, ``Porn 'n' Chicken'' gets downright icky when aspiring to, uh, real emotions. Writer/director Lawrence Trilling's utterly synthetic approach to both glib wit and coming-of-age romance results in nothing but general ineptitude.

Those hoping for a measure of titillation will likewise be sorely disappointed. Shopping networks are funnier and sexier.

PORN 'N' CHICKEN - One star

What: College kids like pornography a lot! It's wacky!

Where: Comedy Central.

When: 10 tonight.

In a nutshell: Calling all 14-year-old boys - well, not all 14-year-old boys, just the particularly dim ones.

CAPTION(S):

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Photo:

The cast of ``Porn 'n' Chicken.''