COACHES PAY THE PIPER.

Byline: BILLY WITZ NFL 

Having drafted the players, signed the free agents and hired the coaches for the NFL's worst team over the past five seasons, Lions president Matt Millen borrowed Michael Irvin's first rule of crisis management:

It ain't mine.

Whether the subject is pot pipes or teams that have gone to pot, we are learning that in the NFL possession isn't necessarily nine-tenths of the law. At least not if you've got three Super Bowl rings from your playing days to flash.

So, just as Irvin explained away the presence of drug paraphernalia in his car - he told police it belonged to his brother - Millen offered an explanation Monday for the mess the Lions remain: He fired coach Steve Mariucci.

The ax came four days after the Lions were stuffed by the Falcons 27-7 on Thanksgiving Day. Really, they've been turkeys long enough that in Detroit the Wayne Fontes era is fondly recalled as the good old days.

The Lions are 20-55 since Millen came out of the broadcast booth to assume control of the Lions. He's now hired and fired two coaches (Mariucci and Marty Mohrninweg), rating as the Ford family's biggest flop since the Edsel.

As Mariucci entered the third year of a five-year, $25 million contract, there was talk that the Lions might finally take a big leap in 2005 - not just in the mediocre-looking NFC North, but all the way to the Super Bowl, which will be played at Ford Field.

Detroit, which was tied for first place in late October, has lost four of five and dropped to 4-7 in the NFC North. As a reminder that the Lions' problems go beyond quarterback Joey Harrington, consider that division rivals Chicago and Minnesota extended their winning streaks to seven and four games, respectively, behind quarterbacks Kyle Orton - a rookie - and Brad Johnson, who is 37.

``We started off this season with high expectations. I believed this was a roster that was capable of making a playoff run,'' Millen said at a news conference, during which he announced that defensive coordinator Dick Jauron - the former Bears' coach - will take over as interim coach.

``We have not lived up to our expectations. We have underachieved as a football team.''

The Lions aren't the only ones, which could make for an active winter on the coaching carousel.

Houston coach Dom Capers oversaw the disappearance of a 21-point second-half lead by Rams quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, a rookie making his first NFL appearance, in a 33-27 overtime loss. Considering the Texans are 1-11, Capers will soon be disappearing, too.

If Fitzpatrick is truly an unearthed gem, it might be the last mark left in St. Louis by Mike Martz, who is sitting out the rest of the season to recuperate from a heart virus and isn't likely to be asked back.

Martz, a mad scientist of Xs and Os, might have particular appeal to Raiders owner Al Davis, who is as likely to sit on his hands for another season of Norv Turner as he is to hire a defensive coach.

Generally, it's not a time to be an offensive genius. Not for Martz, Turner or Baltimore coach Brian Billick, who carried that tag when he arrived as the coordinator for the high-scoring Vikings. Then he went out and won a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer, leaving everyone to wonder what Picasso might do when he was no longer required to finger paint. Five seasons later, we're still waiting.

A number of other teams in the thick of the Reggie Bush Derby could be making changes, though each could plead for a mulligan.

The Saints' Jim Haslett has had to coach a team without a home, the Jets' Herman Edwards has had to coach a team without a quarterback, and the Packers' Mike Sherman has had to coach a team with Brett Favre and little else. The Titans' Jeff Fisher is seeing his team through salary-cap purgatory.

Then again, the Chiefs' Dick Vermeil, who is 68, hasn't said whether he'll be back for another season. If he isn't, there is speculation that Kansas City will go after Edwards or Fisher.

Much of what happens - or doesn't - will be determined over the final five weeks of the regular season, some of it by the way their teams' play, some of it by the way the ball bounces.

Nobody has to tell Phil Snow.

Snow, a well-respected career Pac-10 coach, is in his first year in the NFL as a defensive assistant with the Lions. In the past six seasons, he's worked for five different coaches + Bruce Snyder at Arizona State, Bob Toledo at UCLA, Rick Neuheisel and Keith Gilbertson at Washington and Mariucci. All were fired.

Not that it's his fault.

Elsewhere around the league in Week 12:

--There have been better weeks for kickers. The Giants' Jay Feely stole the headlines by missing three field goals that would have beaten the Seahawks, but the Cowboys' Billy Cundiff (34 yards), the Bucs' Matt Bryant (29 yards), the Redskins' John Hall (52 yards) and the Jets' Mike Nugent (53 yards) all missed late field goals that would have won or tied games that their teams lost. Also, the Cardinals' Neil Rackers, who had made all 31 of his previous attempts this season - including six from at least 50 yards - missed from 43 yards.

--Now that the Chiefs had their breather against New England out of the way - and who thought we'd be saying that a couple of months ago - they finish with 9-2 Denver, at 7-4 Dallas, at 7-4 Giants, 7-4 San Diego and 8-3 Cincinnati. If Kansas City makes the playoffs, they'll have earned it.

--Playing Seattle in the playoffs might not scare anybody, but playing in Seattle might. The crowd was so loud Sunday that the Giants committed 11 false start penalties, including six by tackle Luke Petitgout. ``A lot of times I couldn't hear anything,'' said guard David Diehl, who had three false starts. ``I was right next to Eli (Manning) and I couldn't hear him.''