COACHES' CORNER.

BASEBALL FAN in Atlanta: "When my grandfather told me how the Yankees used to beat up on the Dodgers in all their World Series in the 1950's, I didn't realize that he was preparing me to be an Atlanta Braves' fan."

MIKE DOWNEY in the Los Angeles Times, on the unfairness of life on the basketball court: "Laker fans have to pay $1,150 a ticket for front-row tickets. Clippers fans have to be paid $1,150 to sit in a front-row seat."

JERRY FALWELL, introducing Pat Riley with his patent-leather slicked-back hair at a banquet: "Pat will never have to worry about money any more. Texaco just bought the rights to his head and will start drilling for oil next week."

NEW ORLEANS JAZZ: One week after signing for a series of motivational speeches on "Attitude, Character and Enthusiasm," Mike Ditka was fined $20,000 for making obscene gestures in the Superdome. Solution advanced by a local sports columnist: "Drop the Attitude and Character from his speech and just pay him for the Enthusiasm."

BEAR BRYANT, in Gainesville, FL, for an Alabama-Florida game, calls room service for breakfast: "I'd like two raw sausage patties, burnt toast, blackened scrambled eggs, and lukewarm coffee." The shocked answer: "Sir, we can't send you an order like that!" The Bear: "The hell you can't. That's what I got yesterday."

MICHAEL VENTRE, of NBC, on the Lakers' triangle offense: "Pity the guy at the apex. He's going to grow a beard waiting for a pass from Shaq or Glen Rice."

GEOFF HOBSON, of the Cincinnati Enquirer, after the Bengals took a 41-10 shellacking from Jacksonville: "The Bengals may have lost the game but they did win a prize for the most original costume on Halloween--they showed up disguised as an NFL franchise."

RICK REILLY, of Sports Illustrated, ridiculing the sportswriters who picked the Yankees to win the World Series: "Big deal. It's like betting on Tom Cruise to win the girl or betting on Harrison Ford to escape the gorilla."

SAM HUFF, legendary linebacker, on what it was like playing defense against Jim Brown: "Imagine running into a cement mixer 25 times a game."

DEANE BEAMAN, on why he never achieved his full potential in golf: "The game is really won on the greens, and half of that is in your head. And the worst club in my bag was my brain."

BILL RIGNEY to Willie Mays after Willie, who had always sworn that no lefthander could get him out, went 0 for 4 and was wondering what had happened: "Willie, that was no lefthander you faced. It was Sandy Koufax."

TERESA EDWARDS, after making only three of her 24 shots against the San Jose Lasers, moaning to her coach that she must have taken at least 100 shots in practice every day that week: "Sure you did, Teresa, but none of those shots went in either."