CHURCHES LOOK TO SUPPORT; CONGREGATIONS EXPANDING ROLE TO FAMILY WOES.

Byline: Sylvia L. Oliande Staff Writer

In a city where many families are churchgoers, local congregations have made it a priority to keep families together and help them work through the rough spots.

Virtually every night of the week in Simi Valley, a counseling group is meeting, a lay counselor is lending an ear or a family is learning how to deal with anger and find better ways to communicate.

Church-sponsored support groups meet across the city to provide parents with the tools to raise their families, for teens to deal with the trials of growing up and for all of them to control whatever addictions or fears may burden their lives.

``Our church is here for a reason, and we don't want to be so inward-looking that all we care about are programs in the church,'' said David Wilkinson, associate pastor of counseling and recovery programs for Sonrise Christian Fellowship in Simi Valley, which offers a total of 15 support groups covering a variety of topics.

``We recognize we are living in a sinful, hurting world, and here are people who are created in the image of God and are deeply wounded by circumstance,'' he added. ``We want to help them find grace, help them get what they need to be successful in life.''

In addition to regular support groups, many churches in the area also offer individual help with a counselor, and sponsorship of occasional retreats and workshops for couples, teens and families.

Grace Brethren Church had one such conference this weekend, a two-day parenting workshop titled ``Shepherding a Child's Heart,'' based on a book of the same name written by the event's guest presenter, Tedd Tripp.

The event, the church's first such conference, tried to provide parents with goals for each of their child's developmental stages - early childhood, childhood and teen-ager - and methods to use to reach them.

``It is designed to equip parents with a biblical perspective of parenting,'' said Greg Stoever, pastor of church ministries at Grace Brethren, ``and in terms of dealing not only with behavior but with the heart when raising their children - giving them the knowledge that it's what's in our hearts that dictates behavior.''

Many of the issues being brought to churches have to do with specific problems such as drug and alcohol abuse, childhood sexual abuse, and anger management for men, women and teens.

Several churches overlap services, offering support groups in the same subject. But they usually have a slightly different take on the issue depending on the facilitator.

For example, Sonrise offers groups in domestic anger, while United Methodist Church offers a group for those who want to better understand all feelings.

Sonrise officials said they also delve into the more controversial subjects such as homosexuality and abuse of religious authority - ones that many churches are loath to take up.

Another popular topic is divorce, a subject that many said had not usually been discussed among church members for many years. Some churches even have classes to help children get through their parents' divorce.

Les and Mary Kay Goodwin of Simi Valley conduct Sonrise's divorce support group each week.

Like many of the church's facilitators, the couple provides insight into the subject from past experience. Both had been divorced before they were married four years ago.

``After we were brought together, we felt we needed to share back,'' Les said. ``We had a deep compassion and empathy for the people who were going through this. And the group has been a process of reminding us where we came from and to never go back again.''

He said the group has had many success stories, with people being able to let go of the pain of divorce and find love again, or at least find peace with the situation.

Julie Kuehnel, chairwoman of the psychology department at California Lutheran University, said she has been asked in the past to lead church events.

She said she finds no problem in allowing facilitators without a background in psychology to lead the groups, as long as they are backed up by trained professionals and they know the limits of their expertise.

``With a lot of these things that are common - good parenting, how to manage stress, marital skills - it's better if you can take the psychology to the people instead of waiting for them to come to you,'' she said.

``With some people, they may be reluctant to see a mental health professional, and feel that there is a stigma to it,'' she added. ``But they will go to something that is sponsored by a church.''

Wendy Wilkinson, the pastor's wife, said the facilitators and lay counselors she trains to run classes and individual sessions know when to hand the case off to a professional.

Primarily they are there to share their own experiences with the more than 100 visitors who attend weekly sessions, and provide a friendly ear.

``We don't try to do anything we're not qualified to do,'' said Wendy, who holds a master of science degree in counseling. ``A lot of people, they just need to talk, have someone caring about them. We do not try to do therapy.''

The groups and counseling programs are open to church members, but also welcome members of the community regardless of faith, or lack thereof.

Sonrise officials said they believe 20 percent to 30 percent of those attending the weekly group sessions are not church members.

Still, organizers said that because the groups and classes are church sponsored, they make no secret that they are heavily religion-based.

``By the church offering the support, it gives them the immediate help they need, gives them the tools to deal with their problem and their pain,'' David Wilkinson said. ``But it also lets them know we care and lets them know there is a God who cares.''