CHARISMA OF SMITH CAN'T SAVE THIS `WILD WILD' MESS.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

Imagine O.K. Corral pals Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday in a bad episode of ``Star Trek,'' and you have an idea at the second-rate mishmash that is ``Wild Wild West.'' It's this summer's ``The Avengers,'' a substandard big-screen remake that tries to please everyone and ends up pleasing no one.

This ``West'' heads south right away as director Barry Sonnenfeld is unable to conjure up the same blend of comedy, action and special effects set pieces that worked so well in ``Men in Black.'' Here he's created a tone-deaf movie, hindered in no small way by S.S. Wilson's and Brent Maddock's humor-free script.

Why Sonnenfeld, who has made some fine films in his time (``Get Shorty,'' the ``Addams Family'' remakes) would entrust his $125 million movie to a couple of writers who list ``Short Circuit'' and ``Ghost Dad'' as their major credits is a mystery that federal agent James West would have a tough time solving.

Of course, the movie undoubtedly went through its share of rewrites and script doctoring. But rather than improve the final product, the tinkering has produced a confused film that isn't sure whether it wants to be 007 or ``Deep Space Nine.'' Not even Will Smith's considerable star power (think how sorely director Roland Emmerich missed him in last year's ``Godzilla'') can save this movie from being a bumbling bore.

Smith stars as federal agent West, a man who loves guns, tight pants and awkward racial humor. (The movie makes a pained attempt to explain an African-American's prominence in 1870s law enforcement.) West is paired with Artemus Gordon (Kevin Kline), an Old West Inspector Gadget.

It's a left-brain, right-brain thing. Gordon hates guns and favors nonviolent sleuthing (usually involving some silly disguise). West (to quote the day's president, Ulysses S. Grant) ``shoots first, shoots later and asks questions in between.

Per the buddy-movie formula, West and Gordon dislike each other at first but eventually come together through a mutual respect. (Unlike, say, the audience's relationship with this movie, where such a bond never forms.) The two agents must put aside their differences to combat the evil Dr. Arliss Loveless (Kenneth Branagh) and his 80-foot steam-driven tarantula.

It's all meant to be silly fun (``There's a giant spider heading toward our president!''), but the movie's many elements rarely coalesce in an enjoyable way. Smith and Klein don't quite mesh as actors, and the film's gadgets and contraptions are rather standard-issue. Salma Hayek is on hand mostly to show off her shapeliness.

Worst of all, the giant, Erector-set tarantula isn't nearly as cool as the filmmakers seem to think it is. It's indicative of the movie's jokey, aren't-we-something bravado which, ultimately, comes off pretty hollow in light of its performance.

There are a couple of nice action scenes, and the two leads occasionally generate some funny moments. Too often, though, the results fall flat. Example: West finds Gordon examining a scientist's detached head. West, incredulous: It's a man's head. (Pause) IT'S a man's head. (Pause) It's a MAN'S head. (Pause) It's a man's HEAD.

Go at your own risk.

THE FACTS

The film: ``Wild Wild West'' (PG-13; action violence, sexual references and innuendo).

The stars: Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Salma Hayek.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld. Screenplay by S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock. Released by Warner Bros.

Running time: One hour, 45 minutes.

Playing: Citywide.

Our rating: Two stars.