CHARGERS, BENGALS: IS THIS HAPPENING?

Byline: NORMAN CHAD  The NFL 

During the last four seasons, the Cincinnati Bengals and the San Diego Chargers are tied for the worst record in the NFL, 18-46. The Bengals have had not a winning season since 1990, the Chargers have not had a winning season since 1995.

Cincinnati is known as the Siberia of the NFL, San Diego is known as the sunny Siberia of the NFL.

Yet on Sunday, the Bengals and Chargers will meet in an unlikely matchup of Week 3 unbeatens. They could meet again in the postseason. Since 1990, when the NFL expanded to a 12-team playoff format, 61 of 84 teams that started 2-0 have advanced to the postseason.

(There will be a 12-team playoff format this season, believe you me, even if they move the Super Bowl to San Quentin on the Fourth of July. The NFL's giving up playoff games is like Madonna giving up garter belts.)

The Bengals were so bad in the 1990s, their media guide doesn't even list the 1990s. For the record, their coaches then were Sam Wyche, David Shula and Bruce Coslet, which, football-wise, isn't exactly The Three Tenors.

The Bengals coach now is Dick LeBeau, 64, a friendly sort who was the architect of the Steelers' zone-blitz defense in 1995-96. His quarterback is Jon Kitna, a friendly sort who was the architect of Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren's near-ulcer in 1999-2000.

When the Bengals beat New England in their season opener at Paul Brown Stadium, no one could get too excited. But then the newly feisty Bengals dominated Baltimore last Sunday. A cocky Kitna trash-talked the Ravens so much, Shannon Sharpe asked him to marry him. Anyway, it's hard not to root for these Bengals and their fans, who have endured too many years of bad management, bad coaching and bad Cinergy.

Of course, this week I must root for The Man's Team of Destiny, San Diego. From 1-15 to 2-0, my Chargers are inexorably Super Bowl-bound. It's a Flutie thing.

So, naturally, I'll take San Diego as a six-point favorite at home.

(TV Note I: ABC's ``Monday Night Football'' has tweaked Eric Dickerson's role this season - he no longer is a ``sideline reporter,'' he now is a ``sideline analyst.'' Either way, he wears gloves when it gets cold, offers little insight in all weather conditions and is more difficult to understand than the guy taking your order at a Taco Bell drive-thru.)

(TV Note II: For the rest of the year, ESPN will break into regular programming for live updates of every Ty Detmer interception as the Lions quarterback approaches Mark McGwire's single-season record.)

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

--Packers (-3) at Panthers: Watching Brett Favre on a football field, I am reminded of Dalton the bouncer's three simple rules from the Patrick Swayze movie ``Road House:'' (1) Never underestimate your opponent, (2) take it outside and (3) be nice. Pick: Panthers.

--Seahawks at Raiders (-11): Mike Holmgren's secret plan: Allow his Seahawks to go five straight games without a touchdown, replace Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback with Trent Dilfer and the rest will be Super Bowl XXXVI history! Pick: Raiders.

--Buccaneers (-2) at Vikings: Daunte Culpepper seems to be having trouble finding his Vikings receivers, so here's a quick primer: Randy Moss is the one pushing off, Cris Carter is the one mouthing off. Pick: Vikings.

--Steelers (-2) at Bills: Rob Johnson is now 9-12 as a starter in the NFL, Doug Flutie is now 32-14. Heck, the Bills' brain trust probably isn't even smart enough to dial 10-10-220 for long distance. Pick: Bills.

--Dolphins at Rams (-5): This is why I'd take the Dolphins' cornerback tandem of Sam Madison and Patrick Surtain over the TV detective tandem of ``Starsky and Hutch'': closing speed. Pick: Rams.

--Chiefs (-3) at Redskins: Memo to Redskins fans: When Tony Banks is your quarterback, three-and-out is a good series. Memo to Marty Schottenheimer: Get Caller ID ASAP. Pick: Chiefs.

--Browns at Jaguars (-8): Browns president Carmen Policy is on the board of directors of the Cleveland Clinic Foundation, which, coincidentally, is having salary-cap problems. Pick: Jaguars.

--Colts (-10) at Patriots: In case Nathan Lane bows out of ``The Producers,'' Patriots' Bill Belichick has made quiet inquiries to the right people. Pick: Patriots.

--Cowboys at Eagles (-13): He's a fine running back, but with a name like Duce Staley, he really should've been a band leader. Pick: Eagles.

--Saints at Giants (-3): I was wrong about the Saints all last season. I might as well be wrong about them all this season. Pick: Giants.

--Ravens at Broncos (-4): Thanks to recent legislation, Ravens hope to use stem cells to create running game. Pick: Broncos.

--49ers at Jets (-3): Bill Walsh, restless in retirement, is penning musical comedy based loosely on West Coast offense. Pick: 49ers.

--Falcons (-3) at Cardinals: Projected game-time temperature: Mercury. Pick: Cardinals.