CHAIN OF FOOLS ANNE ROBINSON, HOST OF NBC'S 'WEAKEST LINK,' DOES NOT SUFFER THEM GLADLY - BUT THEN, THAT'S HER JOB.

Byline: David Kronke Television Writer

NBC, which was late in jumping on the reality-programming bandwagon, believes it has a winner in Anne Robinson, host of ``The Weakest Link.''

Though the show evolved into a phenomenon in England, it comes to America fully formed and manufactured to be a hit.

Thursday afternoon, Robinson taped the fifth episode for American consumption. Eight contestants were introduced; the last drawls, ``I'm Eric, a 41-year-old circus clown from Laaas Vegas,'' drawing out the city's name but in a deadpan, low-key manner, as if he doesn't care to sell the laugh, which of course only inspires appreciative laughter in the control room.

Things don't go well for this bunch. There are six rounds in which the contestants try to ``bank'' as much money as possible - the sum total of the winnings goes to the final winner. Robinson delights in repeatedly noting that everyone else goes home with nothing.

She doesn't believe in lovely parting gifts. Though the potential winnings in each round is $125,000, in the first round, the group manages to earn what Robinson sneers is a ``pathetic, miserable $6,000.'' (A seventh round doubles the potential earnings - making for a possible $1 million each episode - and the final round decides the winner.)

Suffice it to say, this group garners far, far less than the potential million. After repeated poor showings, she incredulously demands of the contestants, ``Do you not need the money?''

After each round, Robinson asks the eight to vote one of their ranks off the show, to take ``the walk of shame.'' She challenges them: ``Who's several fries short of a Happy Meal?'' ``Who is the dark cloud with no silver lining?'' And, in a nod to her new California surroundings, ``Who's suffering from rolling mental blackouts?''

Between each round, Robinson skulks back to the control room, where she can occasionally be seen flashing the smile she resolutely refuses to show the camera or the contestants. There, she huddles with the show's producers, where they tally the votes, recap the players' miscues and concoct potential put-downs for them. (With such frequent breaks, it can take up to three hours to tape a one-hour episode.)

``It's not rocket science,'' Robinson says of those backstage meetings, ``but it's quite complicated to work out what the batting order of bad play or good play is. I need to have that in my head before I go out again. If it's round five, I need to know if Melissa, who was doing very well, is now doing very poorly. So it's really getting the big picture in my head and remembering Donald's an electrician and Rick's a librarian and so on and so forth.''

It turns out one of the contestants, Tracy Harris of Long Beach, used to be in the Navy. He still managed to get a question wrong about DEFCON, the defense system measuring military preparedness.

Robinson tells Harris, ``It's a relief you don't work for the Navy anymore.''

Harris had found information on Robinson and the show on the Internet, but still he admits, ``She was a little more rough than I expected. But I like her. They got the right cold, callous person for the job.''

Most of the questions proved to be particularly hapless, giving Robinson plenty of ammunition: One, asked what disease Queen Victoria had that kept her blood from clotting, responded with ``syphilis'' instead of ``hemophilia,'' an answer he would quickly regret.

``A lot of people in Britain would be surprised to hear Queen Victoria had syphilis,'' Robinson chides him. ``We never knew she was that busy.'' She later demands of him, ``Is there no beginning to your knowledge of Europe?''

Another, a law student, when asked the 10th letter of the alphabet, answers, ``M,'' which dooms her to quintessential Robinsonian abuse: ``You've been to two universities, and neither one has taught you the alphabet?''

But this is a feisty group, and they give as good as they get. One chides Robinson on her mispronunciation of ``Sacagawea'' (she knew it; when she left the stage after that round, she joked to the producers, ``How many times did I practice saying, 'Sacagawea?' '' - she admits she's barred some questions due to her accent and the answers' distinctively American pronunciation).

Another tells Robinson that if she had the answers before her, ``then I could be pithy and condescending, as well.''

Robinson professes delight with American contestants, who are more combative than their more masochistically passive British counterparts.

``I think they are much more robust, which is, of course, what we want,'' she says. ``Generally speaking, the marked difference is American contestants will not be shy in saying who they don't like on the team. British contestants are annoyingly polite. I'll say, 'Are you voting off George because you don't like him?' and they'll say, 'Oh, no, George is a very nice person,' which makes for crap television.''

Robinson concludes each show with a wink at her audience, a small acknowledgment that this was all for fun, and she admits that pleasing people - not putting them off - is her goal.

She insists, for example, that she hasn't tired of repeating her catch- phrase - ``You are the weakest link, goodbye'' - which she has even performed for fans' phone messages.

``You know, my mother had a market, and we used to have to work in it, and she told us that customers were royalty,'' she recalls. ``And you must never let them think you're anything but very grateful. So as long as people want me to say it, and are enjoying the show, that's terrific.''

``THE WEAKEST LINK''

What: Game show in which contestants endure abuse for incorrect answers from host Anne Robinson.

Where: NBC (Channel 4).

When: 8 p.m. Monday, 9:30 p.m. Tuesday, 10 p.m. Wednesday.

How to get all linked up

So you think you have an ego that needs to be knocked down a few pegs? ``The Weakest Link'' awaits your intrepid application.

Potential contestants are invited to call [phone] (but not until Wednesday; the office will be closed until then). Laura Chambers, the show's casting director, says it helps if you're ``smart and have good general knowledge. Personality is important - you can't be shy to be on this show.''

A thick skin helps, too.

``Anne's snapping at you may not feel good, but as she says, you have to be ruthless to be rich,'' Chambers notes.

``One woman was upset when Anne suggested because she got answers wrong that she didn't do her job well. She was concerned and got the hairs standing on the back of her neck. But I explained to her, 'If she likes you, she picks on you more.' It's kind of like junior high - you tease the person you like, and then they ask you, 'Why are you so mean to me?' ''

- David Kronke

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Photo:

no caption (Anne Robinson and contestants from ``The Weakest Link''

Box: How to get all linked up (see text)