CARSON'S CORNY REHAB.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

We're all for the methods of modern medicine healing up our hero athletes, sometimes making `em bigger and better than before ... but then again, have you heard about what the current star quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals, and former USC Heisman Trophy winner, has plans to do in a couple of weeks while he's rehabbin' a torn-up knee?

Have you caught wind of the Inaugural Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic?

Do you need a little more background on how the kid with the goofy haircut got the bright idea to put this on as a fundraiser to help some kids in the greater Cincy area?

``(Wife) Shae and I got hooked on playing cornhole right after we moved out here,'' Palmer says on the team Web site ... and we're not supposed to question that, right?

Would you believe there's the American Cornhole Association? And the Cornhole Game Association, which sets the rules?

Is this a thing that Midwesterners who don't understand Sudoku do instead? Or is the what another USC Heisman QB, Matt Leinart, will try on his next hookup with Paris Hilton?

--Is it worth the hassle trying to explain to anyone why David Hasselhoff has become the celebrity face of the Dallas Mavericks? Can Dirk Nowitzki serve as a Hasselhoff-to-English translator?

--Is Ricky Williams a threat to break off a 110-yard run at any moment in the Canadian Football League?

--Now that college football has agreed to institute instant replay, what would Pete Carroll like to review from the recent Rose Bowl?

--Oilers or Hurricanes? Which disaster (man-made or natural) does Rick Tocchet got?

--What's left of that cloth that Roger Clemens and Brett Favre were cut from? Will it become a Terrell Owens do-rag?

--Who looks like the bigger dope now that Lance Armstrong's doping charges seem to be cleared up?

--How is it that a catcher from Minnesota leads all of baseball in batting average --- in June?

--Who's the bigger stud coming back from an ankle injury, Barbaro or Andy Roddick?

--Now that Barry Bonds has sabotaged the final episode of ESPN's ``Bonds on Bonds,'' does that mean Jim Gray will be his official mouthpiece through the rest of his playing days?

--Did Mariano Rivera's back injury from trying to tie his shoe have anything to do with the fact that he's a shoo-in as an AL Cy Young Award candidate in back-to-back-to-back years?

--What does Chad Kreuter do the first time some frat boy tries to steal his USC baseball cap and run up the aisle at Dedeaux Field?

--Do we really have to go to the Riptide's home opener today? Can't we just go out in the street, wack each other with sticks for a few minutes and call it a day?