CARLOS IS IN TUNE FOR TOON.

THERE may be tension on Tyneside but Aston Villa are understandably calmer ahead of today's big game judging by the relaxed mood at Bodymoor Heath this week.

CARLOS Cuellar regularly sports a smile around the training ground, but the Spaniard's broad grin turned into a chuckle when he heard a familiar blast from his past.

Cuellar, right, stopped autographing pictures and burst out laughing when a pressman started whistling Can't Take My Eyes of You.

The former Rangers defender clearly recognised that the chorus to the song is the tune his adoring Ibrox worshippers adapted to pay tribute to him.

Altogether now: " Oh Carlos Cuellar you are the love of my life, oh Carlos Cuellar I'll let you pounds $ %& my wife, oh Carlos Cuellar, we want curly hair too!" AN insightful interview with Villa academy star Gary Gardner revealed that the teenager was destined to follow big brother and first teamer Craig into football.

Some things are just meant to be, which explains the career choice of another of their siblings, who genuinely decided to become a gardener by trade.

Gardner the gardener! Hoe hoe hoe.

VILLA'S elder statesman Brad Friedel had little sympathy for Nathan Delfouneso when the 18- year- old goalscorer, below, started complaining about all his media demands following the reserve team's play- off triumph .

" I've not had chance to celebrate properly because I've been doing so many interviews," moaned Delfouneso, to which Friedel replied: " Go home, you're three- years- old!" AND finally... The entire football world seems to be jeering the Geordies, taunting the Toon Army and mocking the Magpies.

So if the worst does happen and Newcastle United are relegated at Villa Park this afternoon, let me offer them this message...

Alan Shearer, Ant 'n' Dec, Jimmy Nail, Cheryl Cole, Spuggie from Byker Grove, Gazza, Steve Cram, Jayne Middlemiss, Sting, Viz, Jossy's Giants, Robson Green, can you hear me? Robson Green. Your boys took one hell of a beating!