CAN YOU REWRITE `MRS. ROBINSON?'.Byline: Tom Hoffarth There's a couple of politicians, albeit self-serving, in San Francisco San Francisco (săn frănsĭs`kō), city (1990 pop. 723,959), coextensive with San Francisco co., W Calif., on the tip of a peninsula between the Pacific Ocean and San Francisco Bay, which are connected by the strait known as the Golden who want to honor the memory of favorite son Joe DiMaggio Noun 1. Joe DiMaggio - United States professional baseball player noted for his batting ability (1914-1999) DiMaggio, Joseph Paul DiMaggio by naming a park after him, one in North Beach where he and his brothers used to play as kids near their house. At least they're not trying to name it after a computer chip or a phone company. But you try to do somethin' "Do Somethin'" is a single by Britney Spears, the second and final single taken from her 2004 (see 2004 in music) compilation. "Do Somethin'" was written by regular Spears collaborators Christian Karlsson and Henrik Jonback, among others, and was produced by the pair Bloodshy & nice and what happens? Morris Engelberg, DiMaggio's longtime lawyer whose only purpose now in life is to protect the use of the DiMaggio name (in the post Mr. Coffee-era), emphatically wheezes his objections to this degrading idea. Havin' a piece of grass in your name where people let their dogs run loose to you-know-what, parents let their buck-naked kids run loose to you-know-what, that'll probably have restrooms where someday George Michael may you-don't-wanna-know-what . . . Say it ain't so, Mo. He was hopin' for maybe a Joe D bridge. Or a harbor. Heck, why not an entire peninsula? Around here, we musta done a stupid thing by allowing some swing sets and ballfields to be named for the memory of Jim Thorpe, Jesse Owens, Jackie Robinson . . . even Junior Gilliam. What a waste of our time and cheapening of their names. The way Engelberg's reacting (is he related to the fat kid in ``Bad News Bears''?), you'd think S.F. wanted to name a buncha movie houses after the Yankee Clipper. Oh, sorry Magic. ``The real legal problem in this area,'' Engelberg explains, ``is how other athletes and celebrities can be affected if municipalities keep naming public facilities after them. ``Just picture a municipality naming a garbage dump after Dennis Rodman.'' Ohhhhhhh . . . long pause by us . . . we're thinkin' . . . we're thinkin' hard . . . ya know, there's a couple of acres in Pacoima . . . OK, Morris, now that you just killed your whole argument, how do we start a petition for this proposed giant smelly ol' trash receptacle? . . . --Note to Kurt Russell: Next time you drag Goldie out to a Dodger game and prop up her 50 something-year-old not-so-hot body in a luxury box, try to make sure she puts on a thread of clothing. Can't wolf down a Krispy Kreme lookin' at that. . . . --Todd Hundley loves the new stadium configuration since it means he has to jog 20 feet less to chase down a Chan Ho wild one. . . . --Mark Chmura, all over ``American Beauty'' in his Oscar pool, can't wait to see the next flick based on his life, ``American Psycho.'' . . . --On ESPN's NFL NFL abbr. National Football League NFL (US) n abbr (= National Football League) → Fußball-Nationalliga meat-market coverage, someone actually hoisted a boom mike over LaVar Arrington as he called a family huddle to say a prayer of thanks after he was picked No. 2 by Washington. . . . --This Myron Piggie goes wee-wee-wee all the way to the slammer A worm that caused a billion dollars worth of damage on the Internet on January 25, 2003. Slammer infected computers all over the Internet by generating random IP addresses and causing the computer's buffer to overflow with its own instructions that replicate itself and start the process . What a swine . . . --Pete Rose during his Q-and-A in the current Playboy, dragged out this tired analogy again: ``If I had been busted for drugs instead of gambling, I'd still be managing the Reds and baseball would be paying for my therapy.'' Now there's the apology Jim Gray was lookin' for. . . . --And it'll probably be the same sort of remorse shown by the Bloomington Strangler stran·gle v. stran·gled, stran·gling, stran·gles v.tr. 1. a. To kill by squeezing the throat so as to choke or suffocate; throttle. b. , so stop pressing. . . . --Whatever happened to Jamie Arnold? . . . --So I got this wristband wristband An identifying bracelet attached to a Pt's wrist at the time of admission to a health care facility, which may be the only identifier used during a person's stay in a hospital slapped on me at Staples on Saturday . . . I forget . . . was I supposed to do something with it on Sunday? SURFING THE TUBE TODAY Work with us here - in their playoff history, the Kings are unbeaten at the Office Depot Center. And Stephan Fiset is unscored upon there. Great to see Ziggy not only back but puttin' the rubber in the net and pumping up everyone else, but it'll take more than that (how about no more sloppy D) if the Kings want to stretch this past the weekend. NHL NHL Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, see there playoffs: Detroit at Kings Game 3, Fox Sports Net, 7 p.m. (FSN (Full-Service Network) A communications network that provides shopping, movies on demand and access to databases and a variety of interactive services. has Game 4 and, if necessary, Game 5 Wednesday and Friday; ABC ABC in full American Broadcasting Co. Major U.S. television network. It began when the expanding national radio network NBC split into the separate Red and Blue networks in 1928. has Game 6 Sunday). TUESDAY Imagine the look on Shaq's face when he pulls up to see his old pal DRod and then finds out the freak's been evicted from Mark Cuban's pad for weeks. NBA NBA abbr. 1. National Basketball Association 2. National Boxing Association NBA (US) n abbr (= National Basketball Association) → Basketball-Dachverband (= : Lakers at Dallas, Channel 9, 6:30 p.m. (delayed). (KCAL kcal kilocalorie. kcal abbr. kilocalorie kcal kilocalorie. also has the final regular-season game Wednesday at San Antonio, 5 p.m.) WEDNESDAY In that Sports Illustrated story that goes out on an artificial limb to pick the Clippers as ``The Worst Franchise in Sports History,'' our favorite owner offers this sterling analogy: ``At times I feel as if I were a scientist making progress toward the cure of a disease, yet the lab mice keep dying of cancer.'' Well put, Donald T. Kevorkian. That OT loss to Denver the other night had us believing the Clips were playoff-hungry. But like Da Man says, just when they start peaking . . . bam, their season's over. They'll have to wait all summer before they can add to that double-digit losing streak. NBA: Clippers at Seattle, Fox Sports Net 2, 7 p.m. THURSDAY The kids get one more chance to win. After that, we take our ball and go outside. Arena Football: Avengers vs. Carolina, Fox Sports Net 2, 7:30 p.m. FRIDAY Since the Stanley Cup champ will come out of the West, these Game 5s ought to hold some key info as to who'll be around for the conference's finale in a couple of weeks. NHL playoffs: San Jose at St. Louis Game 5, ESPN ESPN Entertainment and Sports Programming Network 2, 4 p.m.; Phoenix at Colorado Game 5, if necessary, ESPN2, 6:30 p.m. SATURDAY Nothing set yet, but the Lakers' playoff opener could be pigeonholed here if the Kings and Red Wings red wings see combretum platypetalum. need the downtown clubhouse for a sixth game in their series. If not, then NBC NBC in full National Broadcasting Co. Major U.S. commercial broadcasting company. It was formed in 1926 by RCA Corp., General Electric Co. (GE), and Westinghouse and was the first U.S. company to operate a broadcast network. will move this one to Sunday. (Kinda like the Staples' playoff ticket lottery - no one knows what the heck's goin' on). The Sonics, meanwhile, have asked the league to have the series start never. NBA playoffs: Series openers, Channel 4, 9:30 a.m., noon and 2:30 p.m.; TNT TNT: see trinitrotoluene. TNT in full trinitrotoluene Pale yellow, solid organic compound made by adding nitrate (−NO2) groups to toluene. , 5:30 p.m. (Same times and channels for games Sunday). SUNDAY Imagine a double-play combo with Pee Wee Reese  Harold Henry "Pee Wee" Reese (July 23 1918 - August 14 1999) was an American professional baseball player who played for the Brooklyn and Los at short and Pokey Reese at second. Better yet, the endorsement potential for ``Pee Wee 'n' Pokey's Reeses Pieces.'' Dodgers at Cincinnati, Channel 5, 10:15 a.m. (KTLA KTLA KCBS TV in Los Angeles also has Saturday's game from Cincinnati at 10:15 a.m.)SIDEWAYS IN CELEBRATION OF SILENT SANDY --Book title: ``Koufax,'' by Edward Gruver --Info: Taylor Publishing, $24.95, 264 pgs. --The intent: It's been more than 30 years since a book on the Hall of Fame career and very private life of Sandy Koufax has been done. Even then, Koufax agreed to an autobiography published in 1966 only because he was given a $100,000 advance by Viking Press and wanted the security, knowing he was about to stage a famous contract holdout hold·out n. One that withholds agreement or consent upon which progress is contingent. Noun 1. holdout - a negotiator who hopes to gain concessions by refusing to come to terms; "their star pitcher was a holdout for six with Don Drysdale that spring. Since the former Dodgers great's name has come up in recent months - baseball's All-Century team and ESPN's list of the 50 greatest athletes - there's a window of opportunity to reintroduce the legendary left-hander to a new generation. --The execution: Gruver frames Koufax's life around his defining moment - his Game 7 performance of the 1965 World Series against Minnesota when, on two days rest and his curveball not working, he threw a three-hit shutout to clinch the title for the Dodgers. It's rich in notes and anecdotes about his upbringing, all-too-brief playing career and his commitment to his Jewish beliefs (which plays into Shawn Green's recent arrival to the Dodgers). --In Koufax's words: He declined to be interviewed for the book. --The author's words: ``It was pretty much understood that he wouldn't talk,'' said Gruver, based in Philadelphia. ``The Dodgers told me that he was aware of the book but wasn't interested in an interview. I respect his privacy and spoke to as many friends, neighbors and former teammates as I could. But he'll always have what one friend called this `wall of amiability' around him.'' --What we still can't figure out: Why did a guy who wanted anonymity immediately take an analyst job with NBC? --Did you know: Buddy Hackett was one of the kids in his Brooklyn neighborhood who played ball in the streets with Koufax, and the comedian's older sister used to baby-sit Koufax. So maybe that's where his code of silence makes sense. - Tom Hoffarth CYBERSPORTS ONE LETTER OFF, AND IT'S A NEW BALLGAME The Sylmar-based Sportspage.com, a ``sportainment'' site funded by ``Access Hollywood'' host and former CBS (Cell Broadcast Service) See cell broadcast. sportscaster Pat O'Brien along with Kings co-owner Ed Roski, made a giant public relations public relations, activities and policies used to create public interest in a person, idea, product, institution, or business establishment. By its nature, public relations is devoted to serving particular interests by presenting them to the public in the most leap over the weekend with its interactive NFL draft coverage. Now the trick will be to keep the site's name from being confused not with others like it, but others spelled like it. For one, there's Sportspages.com, a comprehensive home of links to newspaper columnists from across the country. There's Sportpages.com, an Advantage Tennis Photo site that allows viewers to buy pictures of pro tennis players. There's Sportspager.com, a company that sells, of course, pagers that give out sports scores. So far, there's nothing at Sportpage.com. So why not buy the name and sell it to the highest bidder HIGHEST BIDDER, contracts. He who, at an auction, offers the greatest price for the property sold. 2. The highest bidder is entitled to have the article sold at his bid, provided there has been no unfairness on his part. ? Or create a whole use for the phrase? --Type in AnnaKournikova.com, and you'll get a message that says: ``AOL (A division of Time Warner, Inc., New York, NY, www.aol.com) The world's largest online information service with access to the Internet, e-mail, chat rooms and a variety of databases and services. erased our site, depriving us of our freedom of speech, coming back soon, looking into better services to host the site.'' It's signed JDigreg152(at)aol.com. ``There was nothing wrong with my site,'' he explains in an e-mail correspondence. ``It has pics just like many other Anna sites. The only difference was I was getting over 4,000 visitors a day, something Anna's official site probably doesn't get. So I figure someone wasn't happy.'' That, and the fact it's now against the law to squat on someone else's name as a URL URL in full Uniform Resource Locator Address of a resource on the Internet. The resource can be any type of file stored on a server, such as a Web page, a text file, a graphics file, or an application program. . The tennis star's official site currently goes just by Kournikova.com. Now if her name were Sportpage . . . --During today's Boston Marathon, 54-year-old Jerry Dunn, who is attempting to run 200 marathons this year, will huff and puff through a live Internet chat (www.Active.com) as he's running between miles 5 through 10 between 10-11 a.m. - Tom Hoffarth CAPTION(S): 2 photos, chart Photo: (1) Kings winger Ziggy Palffy (2) no caption (cover of book "Koufax") Chart: TV today |
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