CAN YOU BE BOSS'S FRIEND? NOT EVERY COMPANY'S CONDUCIVE TO TIGHT BONDING.

Byline: Evan Pondel Staff Writer

Memo to the six workers who report to Bonnie Hall: "Do not call her boss." She prefers Bonnie, and the formality of a "me-boss, you-worker" relationship drives her nuts. She prefers to cultivate a friendship with her subordinates rather than rule over them like a feudal lord.

"We as employees practically see each other in our pajamas," said Hall, 50, manager of Aaron Cremation and Burial Services in San Bernardino. She said her workers rely on each other to help them through the stress of always dealing with emotionally distraught customers. "It comes with the territory. We need to be tight."

But you can't always force a boss-and-subordinate relationship to blossom into friendship. Social dynamics are always changing in the workplace, and while some work environments bode well for bonding, others do not.

From the eyes of James Culbert, author of the recently published "Don't Kill the Bosses!," superiors and subordinates are becoming too self-sufficient, favoring self-preservation over team unity. True friendships, as well as honest working relationships, are among the casualties of the modern office, Culbert argues.

"We're living in an era when subordinates are telling bosses what they want to hear so they can achieve their own goals," said Culbert, a professor of organizational behavior at University of California, Los Angeles, Anderson School of Management.

The key to a good relationship between bosses and employees comes down to one word authenticity, according to Culbert. The more truth among colleagues, the less back-stabbing behind closed doors.

Nathan David, a film composer from Woodland Hills, agrees with Culbert. He's always honest with his superiors even willing to make friends with them. But occasionally he catches an unauthentic moment.

"Producers and directors are all looking for something that makes you unique and special," said the 23-year-old graduate of the University of Texas. "And I think sometimes I'm not as genuine as I'd like to be."

Of course, some workers aren't seeking a friendship with their superiors, or at least, they question their superior's integrity. Of 7,718 U.S. adults surveyed, just over a third believe their "top management displays integrity and morality," according to a poll by Harris Interactive last spring.

Diana Leal, a Woodland Hills paralegal, said when she was working in Dallas, she lost immediate respect for her attorney boss when he asked her out for dinner. "I couldn't believe it. I think he just fell for my beauty or something. And then when I said no,' he fired me," Leal said. "Bottom line, you can't be friends with your boss. It complicates things."

Fred Masserick, a human resources professor emeritus and colleague of Culbert, said distinguishing a friendship between a boss and employee versus a romantic interest can be touchy.

"We start asking ourselves, why are we brown-nosing or is this simply good cooperation? And that depends on so many different variables," said Masserick, noting that the shrewdest of workers will adapt to the environment, which often forces them to be friends and kiss up simultaneously.

That's something Masserick learned the hard way when he worked for Douglas Aircraft several decades ago. "I posted a pinup in my cubicle and it didn't go over so well," said Masserick, who then resorted to kissing up to his boss and becoming friends to avoid further fallout from the pinup.

James Peeler, founder of advertising firm Beeler & Associates in Long Beach, recalls his first encounter with a train wreck at work. Several years back, he worked for Hiatt Medical Corp., a company that managed more than 30 hospitals.

"We'd travel a lot, and get to know our fellow colleagues. And there were friendships. But then the game-playing started," said Beeler, who soon realized his friends, people who managed him and vice versa, were politically motivated. "There were a lot of egos and back-biting activity. And all you're trying to do is crawl up that ladder."

Culbert recommends finding a boss who takes the time to help employees advance their careers.

"Bosses and subordinates are always talking about team work. But the only way that happens is if they help each other," he said. "And then friendship can follow."

evan.pondel(at)dailynews.com

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