CAMPAIGN POLITICS ASIDE, FAMILY NOT SO EASY TO DEFINE.

Byline: Wendy Dager Special to the Daily News

``It doesn't take a village to raise a child,'' said Bob Dole. ``it takes a family!''

Uh huh.

OK, then let's establish what a family is. There is the so-called nuclear family, which includes mom, dad and 2.3 kids. In Simi Valley, we have lots of those. When I recently met someone from what is considered a more upscale town, I was appalled when she said some people have criticized her decision to stay at home with her children. She also said there were others who had made snide remarks when she was working outside the home, too.

Come to Simi Valley, I thought; no one will say a thing to you about it.

In this midwest of Southern California, it isn't strange to have birthday parties in the middle of a weekday at Chuck E. Cheese, or to be on a waiting list to get into a morning Mommy 'n' Me class. That's because many Simi Valley mothers are at home with their kids, some relishing the time, some going nuts over it. The ones who are being driven insane generally go back to work when their wee ones hit school age. That's OK. No one criticizes them for it. Some of us are even jealous that they have marketable skills.

Those who continue doing the mommy thing end up volunteering in classrooms, joining the PTA or becoming Girl Scout leaders. Here, it is rare that someone looks at you cross-eyed when you tell them you've chosen to stay busy tying red ribbons to schoolyard fences for DARE week or photocopying 900 pages of homework for your kid's fourth-grade class.

Most of us are not rich. We are married to contractors whose businesses go up and down or to computer guys who have been fortunate enough to miss company layoffs - this time around.

Yet, we are the lucky ones.

We may not know it as we worry about whether the next paycheck will cover the mortgage or when we scream at our children for the 47th time to pick up their underwear (or else), but these are, indeed, halcyon days.

Like the American Dream, the nuclear family has gone mostly by the wayside. With the divorce rate as high as 50 percent, a typical family now consists of mom, dad, grandma, stepmom, mom's boyfriend and the day-care lady.

Unfortunate, yes, truly a sign of the times, but there is no one to blame. Nobody wants to be divorced. Nobody wants to pack their kids up every weekend and send them off to a former spouse, whose judgment may be questionable.

With all that cheering over former Sen. Dole's ``it takes a family'' statement, I wondered how many of the crowd at the Republican convention came from parents who had divorced or who themselves had a broken marriage in their past . . . like Bob Dole.

To be realistic, one must tread lightly on the subject of family. Be tolerant. Remember that the mores and values of the 1950s and '60s have changed, occasionally for the better. Sometimes, however, there is just no choice.

MEMO: Wendy Dager is a Simi Valley resident and free-lance writer.