CALL THIS MIAMI NICE.

Byline: STEVE DILBECK

MIAMI - This is a Super Bowl in desperate search of personality. Of a single wild and crazy moment. One outlandish quote. One genuine character.

Instead, everyone is just sooo polite. So incredibly professional. So nauseatingly respectful.

They're not getting ready for the supreme football game of the universe, but a lovefest.

The two teams might walk out Sunday holding hands and blowing kisses.

Where's the smack talk? Where's the outrageous, the stupid stunts, the brilliant player who figured out this would be an excellent week to start a self-serving national marketing campaign?

Face it, these are two dull teams filled with largely dull individuals.

The star of the Chicago Bears is linebacker Brian Urlacher, who has about as much interest in being the face of the team as baking a souffle.

The star of the Indianapolis Colts is quarterback Peyton Manning, who saves all glimpses of his personality for TV commercials.

These aren't teams, they're milquetoast in shoulder pads. Pleasant, professional and painfully under control.

They're led by two head coaches who are well-spoken, gracious and intelligent. They're good friends. They're very careful.

They set the tone, and no one is about to rock the boat, as if anyone is capable.

The teams combined couldn't come close to equaling a single day of Nate Newton as a quote machine. There's no John Riggins attitude, no Dexter Manley Media Day meltdown, no Thomas ``Hollywood'' Henderson, no ``Three Amigos,'' no manufactured Freddie Mitchell controversy.

The old Raiders had enough personalities for the entire NFL, NBA, Major League Baseball and a couple of Olympics. They weren't just a team, they were the original Entertainment Tonight. If the Bears and Colts were any more starved for personality, they'd be a goal post.

I asked Chicago running back Cedric Benson to describe the Bears' personality and he might as well have been asked for an explanation of the theory of relativity.

``Um ... um ... um ...'' Benson said. A full 15 seconds passed before he finally said, ``I think on the field, we're very business-like.''

And how about that! Yep, these two teams are just balls of fire. It's not a football game, it's a business contest. Get out your flow charts.

``We're just laid back,'' said Colts defensive end Raheem Brock. ``We just like to go out there and handle our business.''

There's just no business like the bland business.

``We're a business team,'' said Colts receiver Aaron Moorehead. ``What we do best is go about our business in a very professional way.''

Yeah, but you get no points for that. Not many endorsements, either.

Moorehead should know about this cultural divide better than most. His father, Emery, was a tight end on the legendary '85 Bears team that won the Super Bowl and seemed equal parts scandalous and miraculous.

``The '85 Bears team had so many personalities,'' Moorehead said. ``They were crazy. Everything they did was nuts.

``You hear the stories about them being out on Bourbon Street basically every night until the night before the Super Bowl.''

Yeah, those were the days. Quarterback Jim McMahon mooning a TV helicopter, the team giving us the ``Super Bowl Shuffle,'' nose tackle William ``The Refrigerator'' Perry rushing for a touchdown, the team led by hard-nosed coach Mike Ditka, defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan popping off.

This is the first Bears team to make to the Super Bowl since. Their only connection to the '85 team is in name. They're almost the anti-'85 Bears.

``We have a lot of characters on this team,'' maintained Urlacher. ``A whole bunch.

``We have a good time. Don't give us any free time, because we're going to find ourselves something to do.''

What, a heated game of Scrabble?

``We have some characters,'' claimed Colts running back Dominic Rhodes. ``Cato June is a straight character.''

OK, trying to stay open-minded, I instantly headed for the media table Wednesday featuring June.

Honest to computer nerds, the first thing I heard him say was: ``We knew we could make a Super Bowl run if we just took it one game at a time.''

Immediately, I spun and walked away.

Benson said he couldn't identify a single strong personality on the Bears.

``Um, not really,'' he said. ``Nothing that stores in the memory bank.''

Hey, know the feeling. Maybe they're just holding back.

``We wouldn't necessarily let you guys in on it,'' Bears defensive end Alex Brown said. ``We can't let you in on everything.''

Right, if these guys are this clandestine their next job will be working in Langley, Va.

There's no pumped up declarations, no trash-talking, no good all-American self-promotion. Of course, it's hard to say anything inflammatory when you're busy writing those love notes.

If the Bears said anything more glowing about Manning, they'd be scribing his Hall of Fame induction speech.

Can't they spice it up just a tad? Wednesday was hump day during Super Bowl week, and both teams spent the bulk of their media sessions gushing about each other.

``I think both teams are very well-coached, very under control,'' said Colts kicker Adam Vinatieri. ``They know what's going on. That's probably why there's not a lot of trash-talking. Both teams respect each other very much.''

And don't do anything like try to hurt the other Sunday. A media kingdom for one player with a shadow of a sense of humor. For a glimpse of a personality.

``I don't know if we have personalities,'' said Bears cornerback Ricky Manning Jr. ``We're just some blue-collar guys.''

That's an insult to blue-collar workers everywhere. Hey, an insult. Now we're getting somewhere.

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Super Bowl XLI 

CHICAGO BEARS vs. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS