CABLE'S COWBOYS CHAP OUR PATIENCE.Byline: David Kronke Television Critic TWO TV MOVIES premiering tonight offer eulogies for the western, seeking to bury the waning genre respectfully. Basically, however, they just bury it - if this is all the genre has to offer these days, no wonder it's on the decline. They're instant nostalgia - both demonize de·mon·ize tr.v. de·mon·ized, de·mon·iz·ing, de·mon·iz·es 1. To turn into or as if into a demon. 2. To possess by or as if by a demon. 3. the corporatization Corporatization is a more precise term for what often is called privatization, for it almost always refers to a process by which formerly public assets or functions are sold or given to corporate entities. of America (interesting stance, given the conglomerates that produced these things); both celebrate, as one character puts it, ``a simpler time, when the world wasn't so bent on goin' to hell.'' (Really, the line could've been in either movie, but for the record, it's from the Hallmark Channel's ``The Last Cowboy.'') TNT's ``Monte Walsh'' is the better of the two - which, granted, isn't saying much. Tom Selleck stars as the putatively colorful title character (``Needlin' people's what I do,'' he says in that self-satisfied tone adopted only by incorrigibly in·cor·ri·gi·ble adj. 1. Incapable of being corrected or reformed: an incorrigible criminal. 2. Firmly rooted; ineradicable: incorrigible faults. 3. irascible i·ras·ci·ble adj. 1. Prone to outbursts of temper; easily angered. 2. Characterized by or resulting from anger. [Middle English, from Old French, from Late Latin movie characters) who loves his life in 1890s Wyoming of ropin' steers, wrasslin' with the fellas and romancin' Isabella Rossellini, whom he calls ``Countess'' (due to the accent, I guess) and who, apropos of nothing, can't stop obsessing about his hair. It's an episodic, essentially plotless movie - misadventures, romancing, misadventures, romancing - that finally decides to get around to a story 90 minutes into its 2 1/2-hour running time. Director Simon Wincer (``Lonesome lone·some adj. 1. a. Dejected because of a lack of companionship. See Synonyms at alone. b. Producing such dejection: a lonesome hour at the bar. 2. Dove'') makes no efforts at Old West verisimilitude; he's just created a romanticized atmosphere for a buncha ole thespians play-actin' at bein' cowpokes (Keith Carradine, William Devane and George Eads co-star). Alas, ranches are being bought out by Consolidated Cattle, taking away the guys' livelihoods; the film is openly contemptuous of the civilized accountants, those bean-counting wussies who somehow managed to tame these rugged roustabouts with nary a bruised knuckle or six-shooter in sight. The dialogue and acting are pretty silly. Consider this exchange as Selleck, Carradine and Eads observe a young woman who runs a local shop strolling out of camera range: ``What a lovely caboose.'' ``I wouldn't mind hammerin' a nail in there.'' ``Mind your tongue ... haven't you ever read the Bible?'' ``I don't remember nothin' about no hardware ladies in it - Ah'm goin' for a drink.'' I'll join you. There's a peculiar scene in which all the cowboys sit around revealing their real names (to save you the trouble, Monte's is Montelius). For no good reason, they have one last brawl, just for old time's sake. ``Monte Walsh'' seems to want to serve as the final episode of ``The Mary Tyler Moore This article is about the actress. For her 1970s television series, also known as "Mary Tyler Moore", see The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Mary Tyler Moore Show'' for the entire western genre; it's like they're shutting down the whole Old West - last one out turn off the lights. ``The Last Cowboy,'' on the other hand, is a contemporary tale about estranged es·trange tr.v. es·tranged, es·trang·ing, es·trang·es 1. To make hostile, unsympathetic, or indifferent; alienate. 2. To remove from an accustomed place or set of associations. father Will (Lance Henriksen) and daughter Jacqueline (Jennie Garth) who unite in an effort to forestall foreclosure of the family ranch at the hands of rotten banks not even managed out of Texas anymore and real-estate cynics Cynics (sĭn`ĭks) [Gr.,=doglike, probably from their manners and their meeting place, the Cynosarges, an academy for Athenian youths], ancient school of philosophy founded c.440 B.C. by Antisthenes, a disciple of Socrates. who want to turn the land over to no doubt really ugly tract housing. The insanely avuncular a·vun·cu·lar adj. 1. Of or having to do with an uncle. 2. Regarded as characteristic of an uncle, especially in benevolence or tolerance. ranch hand (M.C. Gainey) offers homilies like, ``The best parts of life are the little ones all added up'' and virtually makes a father-daughter rapprochement his sacred quest. Henriksen and Garth are no more convincing as father and daughter ranchers as Waylon Flowers and Madame would be. ``The Last Cowboy,'' appropriate given the network on which it's airing, is the equivalent of a sappy greeting card. The front would have a sunset falling over a homey farm and read, ``Some traditions are good''; the inside would have a picture of a laptop and read, ``But some change is OK, too.'' Not terribly inspired, granted, but it'd only take three seconds to read, not two hours to watch. MONTE WALSH - Two and one half stars What: Tom Selleck is the last cowboy as Wyoming goes corporate. Where: TNT TNT: see trinitrotoluene. TNT in full trinitrotoluene Pale yellow, solid organic compound made by adding nitrate (−NO2) groups to toluene. . When: 8 tonight through Sunday, 10:30 tonight; also Jan. 25, 26 and 29. In a nutshell: The ways of the Old West, they sure are a-changin', and if this movie's any indication, Godspeed. THE LAST COWBOY - One and one half stars What: No, wait - Lance Henriksen is the last cowboy. Where: Hallmark Channel. When: 9 tonight. In a nutshell: Estranged father and daughter ranchers try to save their land from the bankerman in this hokey hok·ey adj. hok·i·er, hok·i·est Slang 1. Mawkishly sentimental; corny. 2. Noticeably contrived; artificial. hok , cliched cli·chéd also cliched adj. Having become stale or commonplace through overuse; hackneyed: "In the States, it might seem a little clichéd; in Paris, it seems fresh and original" yarn. CAPTION(S): 2 photos Photo: (1) Tom Selleck, right, plays the title character in ``Monte Walsh,'' which also features George Eads. (2) GARTH |
|
||||||||||||||
Printer friendly
Cite/link
Email
Feedback
Reader Opinion