Buzz Off!

As companies start to reject business buzzwords, it may be time to start trying to salvage these phrases

What would we do without business buzzwords?

What would we do if we couldn't shift a paradigm, or reengineer a core competency? How could any organization possibly make money if it couldn't utilize world-class, value-driven strategies to succeed in a global economy?

What would happen if, as a manager, you couldn't empower employees to make them more proactive in the pursuit of Total Quality?

It's hard to imagine life in the corporate world without buzzwords. They've been with us since the first consultant walked into a company, years ago, and accidentally said something that the client didn't understand. The conversation probably went something like this:

Consultant: "Hey, uh...you got some really quality products, here. Quality stuff. Totally."

Client: "What? What did you say? Quality Totally? Total Quality? What's that? Do you know something I don't know?"

Consultant: (A light bulb going on over his head) "Why...yes. Yes I do. Total...uh...Quality is a way to proactively reengineer your core competencies to shift paradigms and produce World Class products and services."

Client: "What? I don't know what that means."

Consultant: (Gleefully rubbing his hands together): "Well, then. Let me spend the next six or seven months explaining it to you. Do you know what 'billable' means?"

And thus buzzwords were born. Conceived by "gurus" who wanted to sound smarter than everyone else -- so that they could turn around and sell that "knowledge" to others who are desperate to stay on the "cutting edge." And these gurus know how to play the game. They endorse each other's books, and write each other's forewords, and talk about how brilliant all the other gurus are. And the buzzwords proliferate.

And, of course, the media get sucked in, too. Fortune magazine has to cover something called "TQM" if The Wall Street Journal is covering it! And Forbes isn't about to ignore the "Search for Excellence" if Businessweek is doing a cover story on it. So these buzzwords start to take on a life of their own, and everybody in the business world feels a burning need to find out more about them, and to try to apply them to their companies.

But as communicators, we need to ask ourselves: What would happen if we eliminated every single buzzword from the corporate lexicon? Starting with Excellence and Total Quality and working our way right through Reengineering, Downsizing and Branding. Get rid of them all. What would happen? The answer, of course, is nothing. The work would still get done. The employees would still get paid. Companies would still succeed or fail in the marketplace on the basis of decisions they make, not buzzwords they use.

You don't believe it? Well, you may be able to see for yourself real soon. Because there is a "buzzword backlash" happening right now, and business people are starting to realize that most of these "revolutionary" concepts are nothing more than simplistic jargon cooked up by people who want to look and sound really, really smart -- and make lots and lots of money.

Buzzword backlash is real. The Wall Street Journal and other business media have covered it, and consulting companies such as KPMG Peat Marwick are actually running ad campaigns to distance themselves from buzzwords. Dilbert creator Scott Adams regularly slaughters buzzwords in his strip, and people at some companies now play "buzzword bingo" -- a game where each participant in a meeting brings a list of buzzwords, and crosses off each one as managers use them.

Oh, there's a World Class backlash going on, all right. Buzzwords are being rightsized right out of the corporate world. Which is a good thing, because buzzwords have no place in the work place to begin with. Managing a company, and its employees, is a complex task. Every company is different, every culture is different, every managerial team is different. Trying to find a one-word solution, a catch-all panacea that promises to solve all your problems, is ridiculous. Good riddance to business buzzwords.

But does that mean we have to get rid of them altogether?

I mean, they may not have a role in the complicated world of big business, but some of these words might still be useful in everyday conversation. Let's take a look at the biggest buzzwords of the last 30 years or so. Space doesn't permit us to cover all the business buzzwords -- like proactive, leverage, management by walking around, benchmarking, and so on. We'll just take a look at the big ones -- the ones that were supposed to revolutionize the way companies do business. Of course, they didn't revolutionize anything, and now they are on their way out.

Before we say goodbye, though, let's look at where they came from, what happened to them, and what, if anything, they can be used for today.

`Total Quality Management' and 'Quality Circles'

History: Several highly visible business writers came up with this buzzword right after World War II and shopped it to big businesses. Those folks were feeling very cocky at the time, however, and ignored it. So the gurus went to Japanese businesses, who, at the time, were not feeling very cocky, and they welcomed the terms with open arms.

Then they promptly started kicking everyone else's butt in every industry from cars to computers.

What happened:

When Japan's economy went down the drain, and Japanese companies started foundering and laying people off and doing all the things U.S. businesses did when their economy was in trouble, Quality lost a lot of its luster. It's the economy, stupid, people started saying. It has nothing to do with Quality. But this buzzword isn't all the way dead yet. You still hear about Quality a little these days, but its believers have for the most part slipped underground. Its disciples wear long white robes and have "TQM" tattooed on their scalps. They use secret hand-shakes and codes to recognize each other in the work place. If anyone in business ever comes up to you and whispers, "Quality Forever," run away, unless you want to get sucked into an Underground Quality Circle Seance.

Modern-day usage: I think these buzzwords could have a big place in the food industry. A really good pizza could be called a "Quality Circle," for instance. TQM could stand for Total Quality Manicotti. Because, although it's totally absurd to apply a "Quality" rating to complicated businesses, you certainly can do it with food. When you eat something, you know whether it's high-quality or not.

'Excellence'

History: This was supposed to be the big one. Created by business gurus writing best-selling books on "Searching for Excellence," and sequels such as "Excellence Ain't Gonna Happen; Now I'm in Search of a Really Good Gyro," this concept was going to save business enterprises. Around 1985, everybody in business was in Search of Excellence. Now those same people are all in search of a different buzzword.

What happened: This buzzword just kind of fizzled our. You see, the only reason a buzzword works is that not everyone understands it or knows about it. That way, other people can make money writing books about it and consulting with companies on how to use it. Once every-one knows about it, there's really no use for it. The concept of "Excellence" just ran a normal buzzword life cycle -- and died out after about four years.

Modern-day usage: This one could be applied to household chores. For instance, when a man cleans the bathroom, it takes him about four minutes. He takes his towel (the same one he uses to dry his face, usually) and wipes off the top of the counter and the sink. A woman will spend hours cleaning the bathroom -- scrubbing grout around the the bathtub with a toothbrush (not the same one she brushes her teeth with) and polishing the chrome on the faucet. What if we came up with an "Excellence" rating for housework? In order to hit the mark, you had to do certain things -- move the furniture when you vacuum, clean under the burners on the stove, etc. Then, when the wife reminds the husband that it's his turn to clean the kitchen, she could say: "And remember, I'm Searching for Excellence," and the husband will know exactly what she's talking about.

'Reengineering'

History: Championed by gurus who wrote best-sellers on "Reengineering the Corporation," and the best-selling sequels, "Beyond Reengineering: This Thing Has Ran its Course, and We're Trying to Figure Out How to Milk it for a Few More Years." It involved radically changing the entire structure of your organization and laying off as many employees as you possibly could, while still retaining enough people to service the CEO's private jet.

What happened: Since this term was created, about three dozen studies have shown that reengineering doesn't work. What really happened, according to many business experts, is that most business leaders used "reengineering" as nothing more than an excuse to "downsize," "restructure," and "rightsize." This buzzword is dead, but its offspring are still out there lopping heads. And as soon as the economy hits a dip again, don't be surprised to see this baby come back to life.

Modern-day usage: You know, it's hard to reengineer an entire corporation and get rid of the dead weight. But there are certain things you can reengineer. You can reengineer that junk drawer in the kitchen and downsize a lot of old keys and coupons. You could reengineer the garage and outsource a lot of half-empty cans of paint to the garbage can. And you could certainly reengineer your desk and rightsize those idiotic memos from HR to the circular file.

'World Class'

History: When "Excellence" died, consultants needed a new way to say "The Best." They couldn't just say "The Best," however, because nobody would pay them to say "The Best." So they came up with "World Class." And it took off.

What happened: This one is still out there, along with its brothers and sisters: cutting-edge and leading-edge. To this day, not one guru has come up with a real definition of what any of those words mean, but that certainly hasn't stopped people from using them, that's for sure. Any time you want to say something is really great, just call it World Class. Then nod your head, as if you know what it means, and you can't believe the other person doesn't. That's a management tactic called "the buzzword nod," and smart business people use it all the time.

Modern-day usage: This buzzword has already made the leap to everyday life. Everything from cars and festivals to ice cream and fruit has been called World Class in the past three years.

'Empowerment'

History: This buzzword was born after its reengineering cousin sent hundreds of workers from Melbourne to Manchester into the unemployment lines. Some very smart gurus realized that somebody, somewhere, was going to have to tell companies how to get a lot more work out of a lot fewer employees. And, lo and behold, -- the idea that employees could be "empowered" to do more -- was born.

What happened: This one is still around as well. Of course, it doesn't work -- but that's never been a requirement of business buzzwords. It doesn't work because some employees don't want to be empowered; others can't be empowered; others are afraid of being empowered; and even the ones who do want to be empowered usually have to fight battles with power-hungry middle managers who are afraid of the concept.

Modern-day usage: This could be a great word to use on teenagers. They don't know that it's an empty concept created by greedy gurus. And it sounds pretty cool. The next time your teenager refuses to clean his room, try this: "Son, I've got good news for you. I have decided to empower you to reengineer this room and restructure it into a World Class sleeping establishment."

Workers are old enough to realize that "empowerment" is really just a code word for "more work," but you might be able to fool a teenager or two.

'Paradigm Shift'

History: This one was a stroke of genius on the part of the buzzword creators. They realized that their livelihood depended on one thing: convincing people they were doing things wrong now, and that they had to change immediately. But that's hard to do when you deal with a lot of different industries. For instance, health care is different from manufacturing, which is different from pharmaceuticals. So the gurus came up with a blanket term they could use to tell everyone in all businesses that they were all doing things wrong: "You've got to shift your paradigms," they said. In plain English, that means: "You're doing things wrong, and you've got to let me show you how to do things right."

What happened: The public was confused by this buzzword, and would constantly ask each other, "What in the Sam Hill is a paradiggim?" So it never really caught on.

Modern-day usage: Some communicators and gurus still use it, though -- "Hey, Mort, why don't you shift the paradigm around a little and buy the next round?" So if you're at an IABC function, and someone walks up to you and asks "Hey, buddy, let's shift a paradigm." you'll figure he's offering to buy you a drink. Thank him for it -- he may even treat you to a World Class Quality Circle.

Steve Crescenzo is chairman and CEO Crunzo Communications, Chicago.