Bullying: why bullying is a problem and what you can do to stop it.

Jokes, rumors, insults--Shellby Derocher has heard them all. "I'm not ugly or fat," says the 14-year-old from Bark River, Michigan. "But people just find ways to put me down."

Recently, when Shellby's skin began to break out, things seemed to go from bad to worse. "I'd be walking down the hallway," says Shellby, "and people would scream and jump back, like I scared them with my face. I have been bullied all my life. I literally have stayed awake at night, thinking, What's wrong with me? Why don't people like me?"

Shellby is not alone. Studies show that one out of every four students in the United States will be bullied at some point during their school years.

While embarrassing pranks may seem harmless, bullying is no joke. It can leave deep wounds--even when no punches are thrown. The scars can last a lifetime.

The ABC's of Bullying

Bullying comes in many forms, including name-calling, teasing, rumors, threats, and racist remarks. It can also get physical.

"Physical bullying includes hitting, kicking, shoving, spitting, tripping, and stealing or damaging personal belongings," explains Susan Limber of the Institute on Family and Neighborhood Life at South Carolina's Clemson University.

While students may exchange blows, bullying is not like your typical schoolyard fight, says Matthew Cavedon, who serves as a peer mediator at his high school in Berlin, Connecticut.

"If two people are mutually fighting each other, that's not bullying," the 15-year-old says. "Bullying is when you have somebody who is looking [to pick a fight] with someone who is clearly not interested. Bullying is not mutual."

Why Kids Are Mean

Bullies often zero in on physical differences, unleashing their abuse on students who wear glasses, braces, or funky clothing. They pick on kids who are short, overweight, or look at all different. Jabrielle Nicholson has been singled out for another reason--the color of her skin.

"I have a white room and a black dad," says the fifth-grader, whose school in Akron, Ohio, is primarily African-American. "I'm a lighter color than everyone else. Some boys say I don't belong here because I'm a different color. They call me stupid, tell me to shut up, and cuss at me. It makes me feel mad and upset that I have to hear that stuff."

Although Jabrielle, 11, has felt the sting of racial slurs, that hasn't stopped her from bullying other girls on the playground. "Most of my other friends don't like these girls, so I try to fit in," she admits. "They don't dress like us. I tell them they don't belong. Sometimes, it makes me feel sad because I want to hang out with them, but my other friends don't. It makes me feel worse because I know how it feels to be bullied."

While Jabrielle blames her bad behavior on peer pressure, classmate Raven Weber, 11, says that her own bullying was driven by envy. A few years ago, she made some of her classmates' lives miserable.

"I was real, real mean to them," says Raven, who insists that she is no longer a bully. "I didn't like them because they were better students than me. I was jealous of them because any time a teacher asked them a question, they always got it right, and I got it wrong."

How to Stop a Bully

While words are often the weapon of choice for girls, boys tend to let their fists do the talking. But a cruel insult can be just as painful as a knockout punch.

Kids who are bullied are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Gripped by loneliness and fear, victims often skip class or stop attending school altogether. The National Association of School Psychologists estimates that as many as 160,000 students stay home each day because they are afraid of being bullied.

The best way to stop a bully is to get a trusted adult involved--a teacher, parent, or school counselor.

"Kids should tell an adult when they see someone being mistreated," says Allan Beane, president of Bully Free Systems. "Students who want their school to be bully-free outnumber those who really want to hurt others. So they have more power than bullies."

Shellby's friends have come to her defense. With their support and the encouragement of a counselor, she has regained some of the confidence she lost.

"It's going better this year," she says. "I haven't had as many problems. Now that I'm more mature, I realize that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm normal. Just knowing that and having self-confidence is what gets me through life."

Your Turn

THINK ABOUT IT

What are some things that you can do to stop bullying at your school or in your neighborhood?