Brother causes me such misery; LETTER OF THE DAY.

Byline: MIRIAM STOPPARD

Dear Miriam,

My brother has always been the most selfish person I know. He could twist our parents round his little finger and could do no wrong in their eyes.

But I had no idea there was nothing he wouldn't do to get what he wanted until my mother died.

She was diagnosed with lung cancer and he rarely bothered to visit her. I gave up a good job and did my best to support and take care of her. Dad died some years ago and she had no one apart from my brother and me. I wanted to make the remainder of her days as pleasant as possible.

A little while before the end came, my brother turned up and, without my knowledge, managed to persuade Mum to change her will, leaving him a bigger share.

I was with her when she died - he wasn't. I loved Mum very much and I don't think I will ever get over this.

It's not the money he got under false pretences that really upsets me, it's the fact that I might as well not have a brother because the one I have is so wicked. He had the cheek to send me a letter claiming I didn't look after Mum properly. If I didn't have some lovely friends, I'd be completely alone. What should I do? Ruth

Dear Ruth,

Your brother has been behaving badly for many years and it seems your mother was never willing to give up on him, always allowing him the benefit of the doubt. This unconditional love isn't unusual for parents.

You, however, need to let your brother go. He will only cause you more grief. You probably need to cut off all ties with him. After all this time, he's not going to get any better or change. It's also obvious he doesn't need his sister in his life.

You simply mustn't be intimidated by him and should be indifferent to his demands. You did your absolute best for your mum and it was a good thing she had you. Don't reproach yourself and think you could have done more because he says so.

Surround yourself with people who do care about you and make you feel good about yourself, and avoid people like your brother who don't. Make a promise to yourself never to let him terrorise you again.

You should find a skilled therapist who can help you heal this part of your life and move on. It's OK to be angry. It's important not to let yourself be in the victim role.

You need to let a solicitor deal with the financial end of things and fight for your rights. Your brother took advantage of your mum when she was in a vulnerable state and it might be possible for you to contest the new will.

You don't deserve to let your pain and anger affect the rest of your life. He shouldn't have that much power over you. Don't waste your feelings on someone who doesn't care.