Britain's worst bedroom problems.. SOLVED; Dear Miriam.

Byline: MIRIAM STOPPARD; LAURA FREWIN

In an ideal world, having a great sex life would be easy but most couples run into difficulties at some time. Many of us give sex a low priority when it should be a vital element of any relationship. Make the time and effort to overcome your problems and you'll reap rewards.

1 THE PROBLEM: STRESS

If you're stressed, sex will be the last thing on your mind. Persistent worries about work, money or home life can flatten your sex drive and shut you off from your partner.

The fact you're not having sex can be a source of stress in itself, creating a vicious circle.

A small amount of temporary stress is good for us but too much can be damaging. Other symptoms to look out for include heart palpitations, stomach problems, a change in appetite (loss of appetite or over-eating) and irritability.

What can I do?

Being relaxed is the best state for satisfying sex so it's vital to tackle stress.

You may find that just admitting you're stressed and identifying the causes will help you feel better.

Write down what is making you anxious and talk to your partner or a friend about it to gain perspective.

Try relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation or deep-breathing exercises. Find one that works for you. If you feel you can't manage, talk to a counsellor.

2 THE PROBLEM: PAINFUL SEX

Many women experience pain during sex and, unsurprisingly, it can lead to a lack of intimacy.

The medical name for it is dyspareunia and the most common cause is lack of sexual arousal. When the vagina is ready for sex, it expands and becomes lubricated, avoiding friction. If you're fully aroused but still suffering pain regularly then there could be an underlying problem.

What can I do?

Take more time with foreplay and make sure your partner knows what turns you on. Use a lubricant to help things along.

Other causes of pain during sex include gynaecological disorders such as endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease and fibroids, vaginal dryness due to the menopause, infections and childbirth. A condition called vaginismus makes the muscles around your vagina spasm when you try to have sex, causing discomfort. If you're worried, ask your doctor for a check-up.

3 THE PROBLEM: TIREDNESS

Tiredness must be the most common excuse to avoid sex. I think part of the problem may be that couples leave it until bedtime to make love - by which point they're nodding off. Tiredness is usually relieved by a good night's sleep but, if you're permanently too exhausted for sex, take a look at your lifestyle.

What can I do?

Try going to bed with your partner an hour earlier than you want to go to sleep, or have sex in the morning or during the day when you're wide awake. If you're tired all the time, make changes to your routine.

Ensure you're getting enough sleep - most of us need around seven or eight hours a night - and you're eating a healthy, balanced diet. Being unfit can make us tired so aim to do 30 minutes of exercise at least five days a week.

If tiredness continues and there's no obvious cause (such as looking after small children), ask your doctor for advice.

4 THE PROBLEM: CONSTANT TENSION

When you're going through a bad patch in your relationship, sex is likely to suffer. Arguments, tension and resentment all lead to frostiness in the bedroom - and the odd bout of great sex when you make up again can't compensate. If you're always angry and upset with your partner, or you've simply drifted apart, the sexual connection just won't be there.

What can I do?

Communication is key here. If you can talk about your problems honestly, there's a good chance any conflict can be resolved and sex will get back on track.

Sometimes, couple counselling can help with this, especially if there's a particular issue - such as a previous affair or on-going argument - casting a shadow over your relationship.

5 THE PROBLEM: MEN IN TROUBLE

When it comes to getting help for embarrassing problems, women are much quicker off the mark.

Men tend to stick their heads in the sand if there's something wrong with their equipment - but that can kill your sex life. Impotence or erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common problem affecting one in 10 men but some leave it years before seeking treatment. Difficulty ejaculating or premature ejaculation are equally sensitive subjects but both can be treated successfully.

What can I do? If problems persist, seek advice from a GP as there could be an underlying physical cause.

If the cause is psychological, a doctor may recommend self-help techniques or make a referral for psychosexual therapy. I can assure you we have seen and heard it all before, so there's no need to be embarrassed.

6 THE PROBLEM: LOW LIBIDO

Losing interest in sex is very common after the first 18 months of passion are over in a relationship.

The problem is the less you do it, the less you'll want to do it. When the initial excitement is over, sex can fall by the wayside, especially after you have children.

Some couples slip into a routine of doing it once or twice a month and, before you know it, you're not having sex at all. What can I do? Don't resign yourself to a sexless life.

There are countless ways of getting it back on your agenda but the most reliable way is to start behaving sexually again - use it or lose it. Try initiating sex with your partner on a regular basis, even when you don't think you're in the mood.

Once you start, you'll find you get into it pretty quickly. Watching a raunchy film together or exchanging massages can help kick-start feelings of desire.