Brickbats.

* We all know that the Army and the Navy have a bit of a rivalry. It usually shows up in a spirited football game every year. But sometimes it gets a bit out of hand. In Leesburg, Florida, a woman interested in joining the military talked to recruiters from both the Army and the Navy. The Army representative told her that the Navy couldn't provide the sort of training that she wanted. The Navy recruiter overheard, and went over to tell her that they could indeed provide that training. About an hour later, three Army sergeants, one armed with a crowbar, tried to trash the Navy recruiting office. Two Marines heard the ruckus from their own office, and a brawl started.

* Our Hypocrite of the Month Award goes to Cablevision Systems. The large cable operator recently announced that it would no longer carry the Ultimate Fighting Championship, a no-holds-barred martial arts competition. Executives refused to discuss this decision on the record. But reportedly, after three years, they finally figured out that the event, one of the most popular programs on pay-per-view, is violent. Cablevision will continue to carry boxing, a sport in which four to five participants die each year in the United States alone.

* The Center to Prevent Handgun Violence and Rep. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) have shown themselves to be no friends of the Second Amendment. Now it seems they are going after the First Amendment as well. They're asking the Federal Trade Commission to censor gun ads that imply that having a firearm in the house can make a person safer. Americans use guns to defend themselves from criminals 2.5 million times a year. Apparently, gun control advocates don't believe that protection from criminals makes one safer.

* In Argentina, the nation's top drug-enforcement official has resigned after being arrested for kidnapping two men and threatening them with a gun. He allegedly abducted the two after finding them painting graffiti in favor of an opposition political party.

* Jim and Bey Harris got along well with everyone in the Clearwater, Florida, trailer park where they spend their winters. That is, until the Harrises decided to hoist the flag of their native Canada outside their home. Their neighbors demanded that they take the flag down. One told them that it was against the law to fly the Canadian flag. It isn't, of course. But some people seem to think that it should be. Said one neighbor, "I don't know who came up with this idea to let everyone fly their flag. This is America."

* In Stamford, Connecticut, a passerby reported finding the body of a baby by the side of a road. A medical examiner was called to the scene, and he pronounced the baby dead. The body was then sent to a medical lab for an autopsy. There, the "baby" was found to be an anatomically correct doll.

* Daniel Burford has o home page on the World Wide Web. Lots of people do. But Burford likes to take photos of famous people and make their heads "explode" on his page. Among his subjects: Bill Gates, Tom Hanks, Boris Yeltsin, Rush Limbaugh, and Bob Dole, This last didn't sit well with the Secret Service. They hauled Burford in for questioning.

* If you live in the New York area, you may wonder what the Port Authority does with all the money it collects from tolls at bridges and tunnels. Well, for one thing it buys artwork. Its collection, valued at over $26 million, includes works by modern masters such as Pablo Picasso. But you'll probably never get to see it. The art graces the offices of agency officials, which usually aren't open to the viewing public.

* In Alabama, the state attorney general is threatening to sue the University of Alabama for hosting a conference on homosexuality. He claims the university is violating a state law against using public facilities to promote activities that are illegal under the state's sodomy law.

* Rep. Joe Kennedy (D-Mass.) wonts the FCC to set up a toll-free hotline so people can call to complain about violence, sexual perversity, and other offensive matter they may see on television. The line will probably light up like a Christmas tree if anyone shows a documentary about his family.