Boys will be boys. . could it be magic?

Byline: John McKie

ROBBIE Williams may have the rows ...with Liam, Noel, Gary, his ex-manager, his ex-writing partner, Geri etc.

But it's Gary Barlow, Mark Owen and the two breakdancers from The Hitman and Her who have really started something.

Take That's massive comeback tour is, as Rob Brydon might say, a bit of fun.

But the lads still have to think of the bigger picture. They're giving One True Voice ideas.

There aren't that many rules about boybands, but one is non-negotiable: they should have all their own teeth and hair.

Boybands are not like golfers - there is no seniors tour.

Now, because Take That have done it, there are all sorts of oldsters forming groups - and MTV have just invented the most pointless since David Beckham's alice band, Upper Street.

Its members include the fifth least talented member of New Kids on the Block, the tallest member of 911, a bloke who's been out with Jordan (that's Mrs Peter Andre, not Jordan from New Kids on the Block), SClub 7's Bradley and Lee from Steps.

This week they sacked Lee from Steps. You can see why.

With a band that age, any Steps connection might lead people to associate them with stairlifts. Their (rubbish) single is called The One.

Safe to say, that's not the number it will reach in the charts.

Five have also reunited and waged a war of words with On Their Uppers Street.

It's backflips-at-dawn, the most pointless war this side of the Balkans. Five are now Four, having carelessly lost a member.

They join the ranks of groups who don't live up to their names such as The Thompson Twins, London eight-piece Alabama 3, Black (a white guy) and Eighties band Brilliant (who weren't).

Many ingredients, like an evil genius manager or half-decent songs, make a successful boyband but boybands should not look as though they set the video for The Royal on a Sunday.

Ricky Martin started in a Dairylea-level cheesy boyband, Menudo, where the rule was you had to leave when you hit a certain age. It sounds like music's equivalent of Hibs FC, but there is a logic. Upper Street and Five and even Take That are playing a dangerous game testing what's left of fans' goodwill. Good pop bands are like sitcoms - get out while the going's good.

The real test of the long-term comeback success of Take That is how many buy their next album. After all, arguably the best ever British singles bandMadness (not really a boy band but a Nutty Boy band) had comeback tours but not one top five hit since 1983.

Girl bands are reforming, too. All Saints have a new record, Studio 1. Here's hoping they recorded the vocals in Studio 2.

We await in terror the Spice Girls' reunion.

So there is a reason to keep voting for Baby Spice to stay in Strictly Come Dancing.

'There are not that many rules about boybands ... but they should have all their own teeth and hair'