Boy meets "don't tell". One Boy Meets Boy contestant hoped to use the reality show to challenge "don't ask, don't tell," but the Navy got in the way.

When Michael Jason Tiner came out as a Navy submariner on the gay reality show Boy Meets Boy, many viewers assumed he was one of the straight men that producers had planted to trick the programs gay bachelor. But when Tiner was eliminated from the show and his homosexuality was revealed, some wondered if his participation was either a means of escaping military service or part of a stunted campaign to bring awareness to the military's antigay policy. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, says Tiner, who, after the Bravo series aired, was discharged for violating the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

"In a way it was a bit political, and I guess it was personal also," the 26-year-old says. "I figured that I had just as much right to go on that show us anyone else."

In what is perhaps a testament to years of hiding his sexual orientation during his eight-year Navy career, casting directors for the show say it was Tiner's ability to act like a heterosexual that first caught their attention. "Jason has great presence, and he comes across as straight," says Larry Grimaldi, casting director and associate producer for the show. "It never really crossed our minds to have someone in the military, and in fact, Jason was the only one [from the military] we interviewed."

But his straight act didn't fool everyone. One of Tiner's superiors saw a promo for the show and subsequently got the first-class petty officer to acknowledge his sexual orientation. He was immediately removed from his duties as a combat systems instructor.

"It's a very clear-cut case that someone who declares his sexual orientation will generally lose his [military] career," explains Steve Ralls, communications director for the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, a legal advocacy group for people harmed by the military's antigay policy. "But it's also a very vivid reminder of the double standard that is maintained within the military. Had Jason been on a heterosexual dating show, it would not have affected his career in any way."

Raised in Hattiesburg, Miss., Tiner says he developed a "small-town mentality" toward homosexuality--that all gay men were highly effeminate. He joined the Navy at age 18 to get out of Mississippi but held onto his perception of homosexuality even after his first sexual encounter with a man four years into his military career.

"I was pretty sure at that point that I was gay, but I suppressed it because I was in the military," Tiner explains. "I just wasn't comfortable with it."

But that mentality started to change after he started meeting more gay men--both in and out of the military--including having a yearlong relationship with another military man that ended in September 2002. "Throughout my whole career I heard 'faggot this' or 'faggot that,' not directed at me but in general," Traer says. "I was tired of that, and I was finally comfortable with who I was--and I didn't want to hide that."

Tiner consulted SLDN before Boy Meets Boy aired and was told that he had two choices--accept a discharge or fight the policy. But fighting the policy meant putting his personal life on trial, and Tiner wasn't prepared for that.

"I didn't know how they could dig things up," says Tiner, who negotiated an honorable discharge on August 19. "Even if I'd won [on the show] it wouldn't have mattered, because once I knew that they could dig into my personal life, I would've just left [the military]. I'd had a boyfriend who is still in the military, and he could suffer from the investigation. And there was always the fact that someone could come forward and say that we had had sex, which would be sodomy and punishable by court-martial."

And what did he hope to do through participating on the show? "I wanted to raise awareness of the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy," he says. "I saw it as an opportunity to come out in a public fashion, where I'd have a chance to give my word, so to speak, ff I'd just come out in my commander's office, no one would ever hear my side of the story or how unfair the policy was. No one would have seen that my record is a flawless record."

The honorable discharge allows Tiner to keep all of his rights and privileges as a veteran. And his fight with the military isn't over, he says. He is working with the San Diego chapter of American Veterans for Equal Rights, an activist organization for active and inactive military. He plans to help the group promote visibility of discharged personnel while providing a support network for those affected by "don't ask, don't tell."

Despite losing his job, Tiner doesn't regret appearing on Boy Meets Boy. "Maybe I didn't get the boy," he says, "but I am proud of who I am."

Andreoli also writes for Los Angeles Confidential, Instinct, and Playboy TV.