Book Excerpt: Attachment Parenting.

Book Excerpt: Attachment Parenting by Katie Allison Granju, Simon & Schuster Pocket Books, August 1999

What's in the Attachment Parenting Toolkit?

Although the precise way in which these concepts work will vary from family to family, the following practices are the core nurturing tools for attachment parents. We will be exploring them in great depth as you make your way through the book, but here is a brief introduction to the "basics" of attachment parenting:

1. Bond with your baby in the early days.

The first hours and days that parents and baby spend together constitute a unique "sensitive period" during which both are exceptionally open to falling in love with one another. A gentle birth, followed by close, relaxed physical contact with your new baby provides the best context in which to get attachment parenting off to a great start. With supportive caregiving for the new mother, you have the ideal setting for a group of individuals to begin the process of becoming a family.

2. Breastfeed your baby.

Breastfeeding is a centerpiece of the attachment parenting style. For starters, it's one of the most important things you can do as a parent to safeguard your child's health. But breastfeeding is about much more than nutrition. In fact, the nursing relationship is like no other in the human experience. For both baby and mother, breastfeeding enhances their interaction with and enjoyment of one another. Attachment parenting encourages "cue-feeding" (sometimes call "breastfeeding on demand"), as opposed to parent-directed scheduled feeding. With cue-feeding, parents trust babies themselves to know when and how much they need to nurse. In addition, many attachment parents breastfeed far past the first year and respect their nursling's own unique timetable for weaning. Throughout the following chapters, you will be introduced to the very best in resources for nursing families--at the bookstore, on the Internet, and in your own community--all from the attachment parenting perspective.

3. Practice responsive caregiving.

Parents who are in close physical contact with their babies and young children and who remain open to their cues find that they are better able to figure out the "how" of parenting. On the other hand, parents who have been convinced that they should let their babies "cry it out" or only nurse for nourishment (as opposed to comfort) can often feel out of sync with their young children. When you allow yourself to get to know your own baby's special cues and routines you will feel more connected and comfortable with him. While it's true that this process of getting in tune with your child comes more easily for some parents than for others, consistently responsive caregiving eases the way for every parent-child pair.

4. Sleep with or very near your baby or young child.

Although "family bedding" is the cultural norm over much of the planet, it has misguidedly become something of a taboo in modern, Western parenthood. However, parents who sleep with their babies and young children nestled nearby enjoy both restful nights and enhanced family closeness. Additionally, properly prepared family bedding is safer for babies than being left alone in a crib down the hall.

5. Carry, hold, or "wear" your baby.

In many cultures all over the world, parents believe that it is beneficial to keep their little ones safe and healthy by carrying them close to their own body in some type of soft, cloth carrier. Of course, many other mammals also carry their "velcro babies" close to the warmth of their bodies until their offspring are ready to venture forth on their own. Attachment parents utilize one or more of the various types of modern baby carriers--as a cloth sling frontpack or backpack--in order to "wear" their children. This allows busy parents more freedom to get things done while still offering their little ones the physical closeness that they need. Research has confirmed that carried babies cry far less and are more content than others.

6. Respect your child as an individual right from the start.

Although many parents today push their babies and very young children to become "independent" as quickly as possible, attachment parents respect each child's own special timetable for growing out of their early (and healthy) dependency needs. Children who are allowed to enter each new developmental stage as they become ready, as opposed to when parents deem it "time" to wean, sleep through the night, or stay alone without parents, are ultimately more self-confident and independent as older children and adults. You can't force a flower to bloom before it's ready. Trying to do so will only damage the petals.

   Every stage in a child's life is there for a purpose. If we can respect and
   respond to her needs fully during each stage of her life, she can be done
   with that stage and move on.

   --Naomi Aldort, family counselor and writer

--Editor's note: This section was excerpted from Chapter 1 of Attachment Parenting, with permission from the publisher.3