Blind video premiere: Galaxy Theater, Santa Ana, 02.24.05.

IF YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH to remember the time Bill Weiss' bare nuts gingerly touched down on his griptape after he squatted out of one of his countless naked (and almost certainly drunk) 540s you're probably also old enough to remember when Blind's Video Days, a flick many consider to be among the sport's finest, was initially released. If either applies to you, please turn the page, as this premiere write-up (and the video featured) is not for you (not to mention the fact that you're likely one of those old dudes who never buys anything anyway). Blind's What If? has little to do with the latter, and although the former helmed the fuckin' thing, also includes little to no nudity, male or otherwise. This is the new Blind video, a Blind video of The Reaper and to a greater extent the exciting talents of Jake Duncombe (Aussie Mullet Maniac), Aaron Artis (kickflip melons), Carlos Ruiz (slam-a-mander), Jake Brown (a Thrasher favorite), James Craig (the second most OG of the group), Corey Sheppard (switch three-er), Ronnie Creager (table tech), Kris Markovich (shod and sweet), and Grant Patterson (world record nollie flip). People were freaking out in more-than-an-average-video-premiere kind of way. What If? is that good. A SWAT team surveyed the scene and the party people partied hardily. Hundreds of kids were turned away, such was the demand. What if I was having such a great time I decided to go past my mentally self-imposed two-drink minimum? What if I got so drunk the night is a blur, so easy drinking was the Galaxy's Coors Light? What if I forced the designated driver to stop at Del Taco on the way home even though it's neither good for me nor especially delicious? What if I barfed on my own shoes in my own yard such is becoming the typical end to my dateless nights? What If? Don't get all starry-eyed and philosophical with me, asshole.