Beware spritely and hobgoblinic consistency; turn now to bosenmate, and cow testicles.

A mid-year review mailed here from UBS Financial Services Inc. seized my attention for two wrong reasons. I might have squawked to the editor or even the CEO, except that first, nowhere in the brochure was I told where UBS hangs its hat: no city, no state, no country; second, paragraph number four opened with this: "As far as fixed income, (a UBS executive says) returns are likely to be ... subdued.... "

Writing in his excellent 1998 title "A Dictionary of Modern American Usage," Bryan Garner notes at as far as, "In its figurative uses, this phrase must be followed by some complement such as that's concerned, that goes, or I know--e.g.: 'As far as they're concerned, January 1, 2000, will bring enough of a hangover....'" Garner concludes his section with "as far as usually signals verbosity. Thus, instead of As far as the Navy is concerned, it's possible to save nearly half the words by writing As for the Navy...."

A short item in U.S. News & World Report (21 June) headed Saving Zelda tells us "Careless Princess Zelda has been kidnapped again--this time by a wind demon--which means no rest for the spritely hero, Link."

Watch out for spritely; most dictionaries display sprightly, defined in American Heritage IV as meaning "Full of spirit and vitality; lively; brisk." Merriam Webster's 11th Collegiate adds a culinary spin: "having a distinctly piquant taste: zesty ... a sprightly salsa...." But the noun that can mean a disembodied spirit, elf, fairy or ghost is most often spelled sprite, as in the nimble Austin Healey Sprite.

A Boston Globe columnist used part of his 10 July space to screw up some lines from Ralph Waldo Emerson. Mickey Edwards's subhead said, "Consistency is the hobgoblin...." Many others make the same misstep. But what Mr. Emerson put down some hundred and sixty years ago was "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines."

The Drive Buys feature in the 4 June Wall Street Journal included this comment on the new Chrysler supersized sedan: "The ... 300C carries a high degree of risk because the past couple decades' worth of big domestic four-doors have been anything but cool.... "

Turning back to Bryan Garner for a moment, we are reminded that "using couple not as a noun but as an adjective is poor usage: instead of a couple days ago, say a couple of days ago."

Caption, My Caption! On NBC news of a June '04 evening the viewer got to read a prime spelling by-ear error: Beneath the photo of a naval person was the job title Bosenmate. Well, it probably sounded like that, but the sedulous editor would have dug till the truth was uncovered: boatswain ... 1: a petty officer on a merchant ship having charge of hull maintenance and related work. 2: a naval warrant officer in charge of the hull and all related equipment. Variations of boatswain include bosun, bos'n, bo's'n or bo'sun. His helper is the bosun's mate ... never the bosenmate.

Faithful correspondent Bill Brooks sends along a clip from his once and former employer/paper the Indianapolis Star 8 Aug. 2004: "(Y)ou're bug-eyed ... as a quaking contestant on NBC's 'Fear Factor' tries to swallow a mouthful of cow testicles."

News flash to Star copyeditor: In addition to feathers and a carburetor, the stock female bovine has no testicles...I thought every Hoosier knew that!

CW reader James W. Harr of Salt Lake City was perusing Via, "the AAA Traveler's Companion," last August. A feature story on the wonders of Utah's Zion Canyon marveled at its walls "spackled red, pink, chocolate, black and purple...." Spackle is the trademark used for a powder that is mixed with water or a ready-to-use plastic paste designed to fill cracks and holes in plaster before painting or papering. American Heritage Dictionary IV notes that "This trademark often occurs in lowercase and as a verb in print: 'Two young men quietly spackled and whitewashed the walls.... '(New York Times)." Newbie Spackle as verb probably can use more exposure before joining the varsity. Meanwhile, stick with speckled for Zion's glorious walls.

Alden Wood, professor emeritus at Simmons College, Boston, Mass., USA, writes and lectures on language usage. He is a retired insurance industry vice president of advertising and public relations. His e-dress is [e-mail].