Believe in yourself: know what it's like to feel "different"? So do most teens.

Last spring, Cagney Cooper was walking out of gym class when a boy she barely knew approached her. He had a question. "He asked me if I was pregnant," says the 13-year-old from St. Louis, Missouri. "I'm not the skinniest of all people. I felt embarrassed."

Cagney is not alone. Most teens wrestle with feelings of insecurity and doubt. Caught between childhood and adulthood, they feel awkward in their own bodies. For kids, the teen years can be a very bumpy ride.

Feeling Accepted

Adolescence is filled with uncertainty. "[Teens'] bodies are changing, their relationship with their parents is changing, their relationships with friends are changing," says Annie Fox, author of Too Stressed to Think. "On top of that, they aren't sure where they fit in, and fitting in means everything."

Anything that makes teens stand out--a few extra pounds, their parents' divorce, a learning disability--adds to their stress. As kids begin to become independent of their parents, fitting in with peers becomes increasingly important.

"Your friends are the new set of people you identify with," says psychologist Susan Bartell. "You become much more sensitive to what they think--whether they approve of what you are wearing, how you talk, who you are friends with, or how athletic you are."

From the class clown to the class president, teens want to be accepted. Some will do almost anything to win approval, even if that means bullying a classmate, experimenting with drugs, or slacking off in class.

"I try hard in school, but I hide it because my classmates make me feel bad," says Edgar Gomez, 13, of Ontario, California. "They'll say, 'You're the most annoying person. You think you know everything.' So I don't always do the best I can."

"The Whole Dorky Look"

NFL quarterback Matt Leinart hardly seems the ugly-duckling type. Recently, he signed a multimillion-dollar contract with the Arizona Cardinals. But the Heisman trophy winner from the University of Southern California was once a typically insecure teen. "I had the whole dorky look going," says Leinart, now 23. "I was a fat kid, and I'd get made fun of. When I didn't have my glasses on and I was tired, my eyes would cross, so everyone made fun of that too. Kids are so cruel to each other." For Leinart, the answer was finding an activity he loved. "I turned to sports," he says. In the end, his early experiences gave him more confidence.

"It was a really tough time," Leinart told Sports Illustrated about his adolescence. "I got teased a fair amount. Maybe that's why I don't get upset these days when somebody says I'm overrated or that some other guy is better than me. Hey, they might be right. All I know is that I'm going to keep going out there and giving my best effort."

Like Leinart, many teens find that achieving something on their own can be better than fitting in. In any case, finding inner strength may require separating yourself from people who criticize you. This could even mean your friends, says Fox.

"Take a look at the people you call friends," Fox advises JS readers. "Can you trust them or do they talk behind your back? Do they treat you with respect or do they put you down?" A true friend will stand by you.

Coping with Insecurity

How can you cope with insecurity? First, try being "your own best friend," says Celeste Chappuis, who counsels adolescents at Logos School in St. Louis, Missouri.

"Teens say things to themselves they would never say to anyone else," says Chappuis. "'You're fat, you're stupid, you're such a loser.' Become aware of what you say to yourself. It's a habit."

Next, realize that you're not alone. "You think you're the only one who feels the way you feel--ugly, too big, too small," Chappuis tells JS. "You think you're the only one who's ever been left out. But everyone is feeling the same way you are."

Even bullies. Cagney figures that the boy who teased her probably has his own insecurities. "I think he may have some problems, so if he puts other people down, it makes him feel better about himself," she says. "I'm able to stick up for myself. I'm a good person. I stay positive."

5 TIPS FOR TEENS

1 SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FRIENDS WHO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.

2 "TRY NEW THINGS," says Shaun Dinkel of the National Institute for Change in Lakewood, Colorado. "There are pieces of us that we discover that we'd never know without trying."

3 YOU CAN'T CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU, BUT YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR RESPONSE. Counter a negative comment with a positive thought.

4 CONFIDE IN A TRUSTED ADULT. "A grown-up can say, 'I know how you feel. I've been there,'" says Celeste Chappuis.

5 KEEP A JOURNAL. Often, writing down your worries can help put them in perspective.

Think About It

Why do friends sometimes say hurtful things to each other? How do you think you would answer a hurtful comment, yet still stay friends?

** Objectives

Students should be able to:

* recognize similarities between themselves and other teens.

* understand how they can help themselves as well as friends.

** Words To Know

* adolescence: period in life (roughly ages 12 to 20) when a person undergoes a great deal of physiological and psychological change.

* Heisman Trophy: award presented annually to college football's outstanding player.

** Background

Adolescence is a difficult time, yet most kids feel as if they are in it alone. In this article, a psychologist, a star athlete, a counselor, and everyday kids offer insights and advice on what is happening and how to get through it.

** Critical Thinking

DEFINING A PROBLEM: What makes adolescence difficult to go through? (Teens' bodies and relationships with family and friends are changing; teens are unsure where they fit in; other answers acceptable.)

FORMING SUPPORTED OPINIONS: Do you agree that the boy who teased Cagney puts other people down to "feel better about himself"? Give reasons to support your answer. (Answers will vary.)

** Activity

TALK IT OVER: Commenting on the notion that poets must suffer to gain inspiration for their writing, poet John Ciardi (chee-AR-dee) said, "You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone." Have students discuss that statement. What did Ciardi mean? Do students agree? Why or why not?

STANDARD

SOCIAL STUDIES, GRADES 5-8

** Culture: Examining and understanding one's own culture [behaviors, language, beliefs] is as valuable as doing so for others'.

RESOURCES

PRINT

** Carlson, Richard, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens: Simple Ways to Keep Your Cool in Stressful Times (Hyperion, 2000). Grades 6-12.

** Kirberger, Kimberly, No Body's Perfect (Scholastic, 2003). Grades 6-12.

WEB SITES 0 ** Bullying Online bullying.co.uk/pupils.php

** Empowered Kidz empoweredkidz.com