Beastly Humor: Of Gators, Cows and Pigs.

A Common Sight

While waiting for the shuttle bus at the last AASA National Conference on Education, Marsha Studebaker, communications director of the Reading Recovery Council of North America, struck up a conversation about the local sights. She suggested to a fellow attendee (who she now supposes is a veteran superintendent): "It seems like you really ought to see an alligator when you're in Florida."

He replied, "Shoot, you don't have to come to Florida to see that. You can go to any school board meeting!"

Assessment Season

A former cattle rancher, Ben Shaw returns to the familiarity of his roots whenever he needs to make a point about testing to a new group of teachers in his district.

As coordinator of testing and research in Killeen, Texas, Shaw says he shares their concern about over-testing students. "After all," he says, "I never got a steer to market by weighing it every day."

Unique Fund-raiser

In a recent column for the Alabama School News, Charles Carrick, superintendent in Scottsboro, Ala., shared an unusual idea for a fund-raising project for a boosters club. He titles it "The Cow Patty Plop."

The deal works this way: The high school football field is marked off in a grid of one-yard squares. Each square is numbered, and a chance on each square is sold for $10. Once all are sold, a cow is allowed to wander around the field until a cow patty is planted on one lucky square. The ticket holder gets $1,000 and the booster club reaps the rest.

A Wild Imagination

A superintendent who contributes regularly to this page found this tale about the vivid impressions of a 6-year-old in his e-mail box one day (source unknown):

One day the 1st-grade teacher was reading the story of "The Three Little Pigs" to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy eagerly raised his hand and said, "I think he said, 'Holy sh*t! A talking pig!'"

The teacher reportedly was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

A Replica at Home

Christopher Yeager, who serves as superintendent in Great Meadows, N.J., was visiting one of the district's elementary buildings when he decided to eat lunch with the students. Yeager put down his food tray at a table of 1st graders.

One boy commented, "You're the principal today!" Another responded, "No he's not!" The first student then asked, "Well what is your job?" to which Yeager responded, "I'm the superintendent."

The student directly across the table was delighted. "Oh, I know what you do," he reported. "I have a Super-Nintendo too!"

Permitted at Last

The Salisbury-Elk Lick School District in western Pennsylvania had been using its high school without an official occupancy permit since 1953. The district finally received one earlier this year.

"I think it's the record for the longest building project in the state," Superintendent David Welling told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

The district was unaware it didn't have a permit until an anonymous letter was sent to the state labor department during a teachers' strike last fall.

Minds and Stomachs

After 34 years as an educator, including the last 10 as superintendent in Portsmouth, R.I., Mario Mancieri retired to open a restaurant, Leo's Pizzeria and Deli, in Bristol, R.I., his hometown. In doing so, he followed in the footsteps of his immigrant father, who operated an eatery under the same name for nearly 30 years.

Mancieri says his new line of work has resulted in loss of about 20 lbs. as well as lowering his blood pressure.

When his superintendent colleagues stop by for a bite, the first thing they ask for is a camera when they spot Mancieri mopping the floor and doing custodial work. "They can hardly believe it," he says.