Be good to yourself! Learn to cope with stress.

Always leave enough time in your life to do something that makes you
happy, satisfied, even joyous.
(P. Hawken)

Most girls learn at a very early age to be caregivers for others. By the time they have grown up, they often think or feel that the needs of others are more important than their own. There is always so much to do for people around them that they begin to forget that they also have needs and wishes for their life. In addition, women today are burdened with more work than ever before.

Many leave the house in the morning to earn an income for the family. When returning home in the evening, family members need attention and a household needs to be managed. Because of the HIV and Aids pandemic, there are sick relatives and neighbours to care for, orphaned children who need special support and love, and a never ending string of funeral arrangements and funeral attendances.

Women sacrifice their lives for others until it becomes too much. Stress builds up until they break down, become sick or depressed, or escape into alcoholism.

What is stress?

Stress is a form of tension that we feel when having to deal with a task or a problem. This stress can be felt physically, for example by an increased heart rate, and it can be experienced emotionally, for example by feeling agitated or excited. It usually provides us with the necessary energy to meet the challenges in our life. Stress can also help us to push ourselves to achieve desired goals, for example to give our best when running a race or focusing all our attention on studying for an important exam.

However, when we experience too much stress at once, or when stress builds up day after day, month after month, year after year, then stress becomes something that we experience as very negative. Stress wears and tears on our body and mind and ruins our health and well-being.

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What are signs of stress?

Stress can take on many different forms. Some physical signs of stress are headaches, an upset stomach, chronic fatigue, loss of sexual desire, difficulty to concentrate and general lack of energy. Some people under too much stress become irritable, easily lose their temper, overreact to minor problems or have frequent mood swings. Others have trouble sleeping, or have nightmares.

In the long term, when stress is not managed, built up stress can lead to drug and alcohol abuse, to trouble performing well at work, to chronic illnesses, and to depression.

What couses stress?

A lot of stress is experienced inside the family. An ill or dying family member, divorce, domestic violence, the pressure by husbands or boyfriends to have unprotected or unwanted sex, child abuse within the family, crowded family homes, financial problems or long-term poverty are just some examples of family situations that may cause serious stress.

At the workplace stress can develop when there is a lack of clear work guidelines, when we are overburdened by too much work or responsibility, when we are not trained properly for what we are expected to do, or when we are sexually or otherwise harassed by colleagues or superiors.

Stress can also be brought about by a traumatic accident, or by acts of violence such as rape or assault.

Some stress is caused by factors inside ourselves. This includes negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves, placing too high demands on ourselves, taking on too many activities because we are not able to say 'no', or our inability to deal with conflicts at home or at the workplace.

What is post-traumatic stress disorder?

Post-traumatic stress disorder can occur after a terrifying event such as a violent assault, rape, natural or human-caused disasters, or accidents. People may repeatedly re-experience the traumatic event in the form of flashbacks, memories, nightmares, or frightening thoughts, especially when something reminds them of the trauma.

People with post-traumatic stress disorder can also experience emotional numbness, sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, irritability, or outbursts of anger. Feelings of intense guilt (called survivor guilt) are also common, particularly if others did not survive the traumatic event.

Most people who are exposed to a traumatic, stressful event have some of these symptoms in the days and weeks following the event, but the symptoms generally disappear. However, some people develop a chronic, or long-lasting, form that persists throughout their lives.

How con I prevent stress build up?

As a first step, it is important to understand which situations trigger stress to build up in you. Ask yourself the following questions: When and where do I feel stressed? Which people contribute to this feeling? How often do I feel stressed out? How do I feel the stress? In my body? Where in my body? In my feelings? How does the stress feel? What happens with me when I feel stressed?

Once you know your reactions to stress better, the next step is to prevent stress build-up. Below you will find some techniques that will help you. From the list, try out what works best for you.

Learn to breathe deeply!

Deep breathing is a good way to relax. Try it a couple of times every day. This is how you can do it:

* Lie down or sit in a chair.

* Rest your hands on your stomach.

* Slowly count to four while you inhale through your nose.

* Feel your stomach rise.

* Hold it for a second.

* Slowly count to four while you exhale through your mouth.

* To control how fast you exhale, purse your lips like you're going to whistle. Your stomach will slowly fall.

* Repeat five to ten times.

Practice muscle relaxation!

* Sit down comfortably on a chair, feet on the ground, hands on your lap or on your thighs.

* Close your eyes and take five deep breaths.

* Then, starting from the head, slowly 'travel' through your body and ask it to relax every muscle by speaking to yourself very slowly. You can say the following: I feel the skin of my head. I let the skin relax.--I feel my forehead. I let my forehead relax.--I feel my cheeks. I let my cheeks relax ... Continue with the nose, mouth, neck, down the spine, then the arms and hands, the internal organs (lungs, heart, stomach), then let the thighs relax, the calves and finally the feet and toes.

I decided to wake up ten minutes earlier each working day. I take time
to pray and be with myself for a few minutes. Then I try to be not in
such a rush when waking up the children and getting to work. I feel less
stressed this way.
(Nepeti M.)

Get moving!

Exercise is a wonderful stress reducer. When working out, your body produces certain chemicals, called endorphins. These endorphins not only help relieve your tense muscles, but help to uplift your mood too! You can take a brisk 20-minute walk every day, dance, run, go to the gym, do something energetic with your kids or play games such as netball, volleyball or squash.

Get enough sleep!

Sleeping is a great way to help both your body and mind relax and regenerate. With enough sleep, you can tackle your daily tasks better and experience less stress when problems arise. Try to get seven to nine hours of sleep every night.

I take some time to unwind at the end of the day. I take a walk by
myself or with a friend or someone from my family. If I cannot walk, I
take a few minutes to sit and listen to soothing music, or I read in a
book or magazine.
(Esther M.)

Eat right!

Try to eat at least one fruit or one vegetable every day or as often as possible. Also try to get enough protein. Good sources of protein can be peanut butter, chicken or milk. Eat whole-wheat bread instead of white bread and stay away from too much coffee and sugar.

Learn to say no!

When asked to do things at work or for the family, figure out what you can really do. There are only so many hours in the day. Set limits with yourself and others. Don't be afraid to say 'no' to requests for your time and energy, if you know that it will be too much for you to handle.

Talk with friends!

Talk to a friend to help you work through your stress. Friends are good listeners. Finding someone who will let you talk freely about your problems and feelings without judging you does a world of good. It also helps to hear a different point of view. Friends will remind you that you're not alone. If you do not have a friend to talk to, try to talk to a counsellor in your community or at Lifeline.

Discuss with friends or colleagues what they do to cope with stress and try out if some of their remedies work for you as well.

I got help from a counsellor at our church. I talked to her and she
helped me to work through my stress and find better ways to deal with
problems.
(Abia M.)

Write down your thoughts!

If you are a more introverted person, start a journal. Keeping a journal can be a great way to get things off your chest and work through issues. Write down what bothers you and why, write down what you would like to change or what would do you good. Just write down what comes to your mind, don't think too much before you write.

Most important: Be good to yourself!

The most important thing is to be good to yourself. What does that mean? First of all, it means that you know who you are and what you need and want in your life. Knowing that, you use some of your time and energy every day to take good care of those needs and wishes, so that you stay a healthy and happy woman.

No matter how busy you are, try to set aside at least 10 minutes each day to do something special for yourself. If you find this difficult, write a list of 30 things that bring joy into your life! These can be small material things such as buying a sweet just for yourself, wearing a soft jersey or enjoying a special item in your house such as a nice tablecloth or a comfortable chair. Or they can be immaterial things such as stroking the soft fur of your cat, watching the sun set, or hearing a good joke that makes you laugh. Add something new to your list every week, if possible. If you feel down or sad, look at this list.

I have two full time jobs--I'm a sales manager at a supermarket and a
caregiver of five children, three are my own and two are my sister's
orphans. I like my work, and I love the kids, but last month getting
them to school, getting to work by taxi, my job, the work around the
house, and trying to spend some time with the kids was really stressing
me out. I have to get up really early in the morning to get the children
ready for school, then it takes me so long to get to work that I'm in a
bad mood by the time I get there. Our shop is short-staffed and at the
end of the month I was working overtime. Going home in overcrowded taxis
made it worse, and when I got home, I was so tired I didn't want to do
anything! But then the children want to eat and I still have to wash
their school uniforms. And I also want to give them some love and care!
I wanted to handle my stress before it got the best of me. I talked with
my boss about working later hours so I don't run into so much traffic
and am in a better mood when I get there and get home. I asked the older
children to prepare food so that when I come home, the food is ready,
even if it is not so perfect. We then do the dishes together and talk
about our day. I also started setting five minutes aside in the morning
and in the afternoon at work for me to relax and take a deep breath.
These small changes have made a big difference in my life!
(Anita G.)

Contact details for Lifeline

Lifeline Windhoek: 061-23 22 21--crisis line and face-to-face counselling--45 Bismarck Street

Lifeline Rundu: 066-255354--face-to-face counselling--Ekwafo Centre, Premises of Rundu Hospital

Lifeline Ondangwa: 065-246252--face-to-face counselling at Oluno Clinic and Eenhana