Batten down the hatches, the Irish yobs are coming.

Byline: Pat Flanagan 

THINGS to avoid on a trip abroad if you want enjoy your holiday.

Firstly you should stay out of the midday sun, don't eat uncooked food and, above all...avoid the Irish like the plague.

Like it or not, we have become the new Brits when it comes to causing trouble overseas.

Indeed, pisshead Paddy often can't even wait to get to his destination and often starts trouble on the plane journey out.

The English have had their lager louts, but we have created a breed of our own...the sun scobie.

And thanks to them, we are seen abroad as a people who piss in swimming pools and puke in the pubs.

Young men with Mike Tyson-style temperaments and women with the morals of Bangkok whores are destroying the country's reputation abroad.

Spanish and Greek police now dread to see the Irish coming because it can mean only one thing....trouble...and plenty of it.

The time when we were the darlings of the world and looked on as little green, if locked, leprechauns, has long since gone.

Our once proud green army has been replaced by a marauding mob capable of causing mayhem and misery wherever they go.

A rendition of the (killing) Fields Of Athenry is now often a prelude to a situation where bottles, and not free birds, fly.

In the last few weeks, there have been a number of serious incidents in European resorts and on aircraft taking holidaymakers to them.

Mostly it's other Irish people who suffer and families regularly have their holidays ruined by their fellow countrymen and women.

And it's not just teenagers going on benders after their Leaving Cert who are causing the trouble.

In the last few weeks a plane on its way to Crete was forced to divert to Venice because 30-something scobies began to smash up the plane.

What other race urinates and defecates in swimming pools when they go on holiday or cuts seat belts and robs lifejackets from aircraft on their flights?

It's all a far cry from the Riverdance days when we were the kings of Europe and everyone wanted to be Irish.

Half of England, including a good many mediocre soccer players, began looking up their family trees in the hope of finding an Irish ancestor.

The Paddies were welcomed with open arms across the world because they could hold their drink, and more importantly, their temper.

That has all changed and the sun scobie wants trouble and usually finds it and boasts on their Bebo or Facebook page about the amount of drugs and drink they intend to consume.

Of course the vast majority of Irish people going abroad are decent folk who would never dream of starting trouble.

But there is a sizeable and growing minority who will and they come from all classes and the women are just as vicious as the men.

It's hard to say why this sub species has evolved in little more than a decade.

Maybe it was the Celtic Tiger money which maddened a section of Irish society so much they wanted to go abroad in search of fights instead of sun and fun.

Perhaps they are jealous of their European neighbours who are not just better-looking, but have better English than the average sun scobie.

It can be no coincidence that many wear a national or club soccer shirt when abroad to proclaim their identity or, more likely, the lack of one.

But should we be surprised that a land where drink and violence are part of the social fabric produces violent people who then take that violence with them on holiday.

Whatever the reason in some resorts, the Irish are about as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool....because more than likely it was a Paddy who put it there.

What other race urinates & defecates in pools, cuts seat belts & steals life vests from planes?