Barton lags behind in jailbirds XI.Byline: Brian Reade Brian Reade is an award-winning writer who has two weekly opinion columns, one on sport, in the Daily Mirror. He is a left-wing republican with very outspoken views, and has interviewed many well known people, including Mohammed Ali. SINCE Joey Barton's much welcomed incarceration Confinement in a jail or prison; imprisonment. Police officers and other law enforcement officers are authorized by federal, state, and local lawmakers to arrest and confine persons suspected of crimes. The judicial system is authorized to confine persons convicted of crimes. , pundits have handed him a central midfield spot in an all-time Lags XI side. But as a devotee of that classic Scorcher scorch·er n. 1. One that scorches: an iron that was a scorcher. 2. Informal An extremely hot day. cartoon strip I think Barton would struggle to make the starting line-up. Put simply, the lad who believed he was good enough for England a few months ago isn't even good enough to make a side comprising the cream of British footballers jailed in the past 30 years. Here's my team, managed by GRAHAM RIX (under-age sex). Goalkeeper: CRAIG JAMIESON (Livingston. Offence - battering a Pole). Defence: GARY CHARLES (ripping off his electronic tag), TONY ADAMS (drink-driving), TERRY FENWICK (drink-driving), PETER STOREY (smuggling pornography). Midfield: JERMAINE PENNANT (drink-driving), MICKEY THOMAS (counterfeiting), JAN MOLBY (drink-driving), GEORGE BEST (hitting a copper). Attack: MICKEY QUINN (driving while disqualified dis·qual·i·fy tr.v. dis·qual·i·fied, dis·qual·i·fy·ing, dis·qual·i·fies 1. a. To render unqualified or unfit. b. To declare unqualified or ineligible. 2. ), DUNCAN FERGUSON (four assaults and no funeral). In fact Barton just about scrapes a place on the bench alongside LEE HUGHES, MARK WARD, MARLON KING and BRADLEY ORR. It's good to know your place Joey. And once again it's not on the pitch. P.S. While you're inside, why not do what those England players did two summers ago and write your story, along the lines: Went to jail. Got beaten. Here's my book. P.P.S. Remember the last time you were down the road from Walton Prison at Goodison Park, and you dropped your kecks and mooned to on-lookers? Don't try it inside. "Joey Barton isn't even good enough to make it into a side comprising the cream of British footballers jailed in the past 30 years" |
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