Barcelona v Manchester Utd - live

The atmosphere is cooking at the Nou Camp, and the teams are preparing to walk out, Barcelona in their traditional blue-and-red stripes, United in Barca-baiting all-white. "Is the new MBM software primarily financed by the extremely valuable ads spanning the entire page save 1/10000th of it on the far, far, far left column?" asks a cynical Patrick Sullivan. How dare you, PatrBET BLUE SQick, how daBET BLUE SQre you.

Hmm. It does now look a bit crowded, I'll admit.

The Football's All Good And Well dept. "How are you coping with the sexy new guardian.co.uk MBM software?" asks Nathan Smith

• Nathan Smith (physician) (1762–1829), founder of several U.S. medical schools
• Nathan Smith (senator) (1770–1835), U.S. Senator
• Nathan Smith (ice hockey), NHL player with the Vancouver Canucks

. "Have the Red Dwarf fans devised you something easy to use, while also ensuring you can sneak in a half-time ciggie?" It's pretty good. We can do this: look! A puppy!

Barcelona start with Deco for the first time in two months, a fair old gamble given Messi has played roughly 16 seconds in the last month or so: Valdes, Zambrotta, Marquez, Milito, Abidal, Xavi, Toure Yaya, Deco, Messi, Eto'o, Iniesta.Subs: Pinto, Gudjohnsen, Henry, Sylvinho, Giovanni, Thuram, Bojan.

No Vidic for Manchester United after he was taken to hospital with a stomach complaint last night: Van der Sar, Hargreaves, Ferdinand, Brown, Evra, Ronaldo, Carrick, Scholes, Park, Rooney, Tevez.Subs: Kuszczak, Anderson, Giggs, Nani, Pique, O'Shea, Silvestre.

Referee: Massimo Busacca (Switzerland)

So who are the best marketed… sorry…the most pompously deluded… hold on… the Biggest Club In The World™? Apart from Real Madrid? Is it Barcelona, who are "more than a club"? Or is it Manchester United, who play at the "Theatre of Dreams"? This summit meeting will go a fair way to deciding which of these two giants can claim the title (as well as who will be beaten 1-0 by Chelsea in a turgid

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tur·gid
adj.
Swollen or distended, as from a fluid; bloated; tumid.

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turgid

swollen and congested.  final which will make Red Star v Marseille look like Real v Eintracht Frankfurt). Having said that, of course, much depends on how you measure these things: Barca and United may be behemoths of the world game, plying their brand of beautiful if occasionally flaky football, but neither club have as yet reached a major cup final this season. Unlike, say, Queen of the South. Still, whichever way you look at it, crunch time's a-comin' for these two.

Kick off: 7.45pm